Letter 6: Someone in my life who has caused me a lot of pain

I know that I am suppose to write to someone who has caused me a lot of pain in my childhood, but I couldn’t think of anyone from my childhood who has caused me a lot of pain. So, I’m going to write to someone who has caused me a lot of pain.

Dear_______,
Here is the letter you never received. I wrote this at one point, but forgave you instead. I still forgive you, but I think I just need to tell you how I feel……. I regret not telling how you hurt me. So, here’s my opportunity. I’m hurt and seriously regret the years of wasted time I spent with you. I’m angry that you used me, and thought so less of me you couldn’t just let me go. Sometimes I blame myself, but realize that it was you. Believe me I have analyzed this over and over in my head. You took all my goodness every part of it, and left me with nothing. You had a million of excuses of why you couldn’t be here for me. I gave so much to you and expected nothing in return but was hopeful that our relationship could be equal and in return you never gave back. You were never there for me the way I was there for you. You’ve told me that before so I know that I’m not just making this up in my head. I don’t understand and still don’t understand why I allowed you to use me in such the way that you did. I guess I trusted you…..out of everyone to trust I still can’t believe I trusted you. I gave my trust to someone who didn’t respect me….who didn’t love me……..and for that I’m angry. You ruined that trust, and everyday I pray that I can get it back. It’s like you decided everything and I had no control. I still can’t believe that you gave no explanation for your behavior is that all I get. Seriously!!! I SEE how much I meant to you. It’s been difficult for me to forgive you completely which makes me feel like a horrible person. Everyone has told me that I have a reason to hate you, but it’s not in me to hate you. At some points I wish I could…it would make things a lot easier. I have a lot of regret when I think of you. I don’t have many regrets in my life, but your one of them. I think that people whether they impact your life for the better or worse help you to learn something. So I guess you taught me something. Everyday I am moving away from the bitterness and hole that you caused me, and I know one day through no help of you I will move past the pain. I want you to know that I forgive you, because despite the pain that you caused me I loved you. It makes me happy to know that I can say that I forgive you and really mean it. I hope that you learn from this experience and realize you cannot treat people the way that you have treated me.

Crystal