Friday, June 3, 2011

Creating a better ME

George Bernard Shaw once said " Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
I've always been comfortable in being invisible. I know that it sounds weird for me to say that, but me explain. I never wanted to out shine anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. When it came to trying out for the team I blew it. I almost think it was on purpose. In high school I tried out for basketball and volleyball, but never made it. When I have had the opportunity to play with others, because of my talent they always assume I played in high school, and even college. The truth is I only participated in track because I didn't have to tryout for it. Even when I was competing with other runners I didn't try very hard. I remember one time at district I was competing for the 300 hurdles. The gun went off and I started to run. I pushed myself harder then I have ever pushed myself when it came to racing. In a brief moment I realized that I was in first place. I didn't want to be in first becuase that meant everyone would be looking at me. For this reason I started to look behind me. I was so distracted by being in first that I couldn't stop looking at the people behind me wondering when they would catch up. Just so you know you don't look behind you when your running (it slows you down). I came to the last hurdle and my trailing leg hit the hurdle. I barely made it across the finish line and I fell. I ended up coming in 3rd. What's interesting is I realize now I didn't want 1st or 2nd I was okay being in the middle.
Despite my efforts to remain invisible I have shined in many aspects in my life, but everytime I have realized it I have back away. Being popular in school was never important to me, being the smartest (desptie what anyone thinks), being on top never interested me. I love to see other people happy and to see other people succeed, but I've never been okay with seeing myself succeed. So what I have done is just settled. I've settled for friendships that weren't friendships, I've allowed people to use me and use my forgiveness, and I've settled in my love life. The truth is when people don't really need you or want you you remain invisible. It's taken me a while but I'm sick of feeling this way. I sick of people using me until they find something better. I'm sick of settling and sacrificing the best part of me so other people can get joy.
I know who I am. I know my potiential. I'm sick of being in the middle so watch out world cause I'm about to shine!!!!