Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Welcome Welcome 2014

2013 went too fast.  Last year I decided to do a tender mercies bucket list for 2013.  Although, I didn’t complete all of my list I want to share with you the things I have learned from completing some of my list.  The first on my list was to identify the person who has inspired me most in my life and write them a letter.  There have been many people who have inspired me in my life, but the person who has inspired me most is no longer with us.  It’s not shocking to many of you that that person was my grandmother.  She taught me more about life, love, and happiness than any person I know.  As I look back at my life I can see how the things she taught me has molded me into who I am today.  She passed away in 2006 and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her.  I know if I even become half the woman she was my life would be completely successful.  I love you grams. 
The second thing on my life was to meet five strangers on the street and become friends with them.  I have been able to get to know several new people this year and call them friends.  My life has truly been blessed by the people I have added to my life. 
The third thing on my list was to go deep into mother nature and experience a sunrise or set.  I can’t tell you how many sunrises and sunsets I have experienced this year.  I moved to McCall in April of this year and the beauty of this area has taught me to slow down and appreciate this magnificent life around me.  It’s amazing to me what nature tells us about life.  Nature’s beauty did not form overnight.  Nature teaches us to be patient and observant.  I’ve never experienced the same sunrise or sunset twice, it’s amazing how the smallest element of nature beautifies this world we live in.  Life is to be enjoyed not just endured. 
The fourth on my list is conquer my biggest fear.  This year I have learned to be more vulnerable to accept life as it is.  To be happy with who I am, and to communicate with others even though they may not like what I have to say.  It the midst of our darkest hour only then do we recognize our own strength.  I’m grateful for the person I am, the person I am becoming, and the path I am on. 
The fifth on my list was to resolve a past grievance.  I’m not gonna lie this was a hard one, and I’m honestly still working on it.  What I have learned about letting go of past hurt is it has opened me up to the greatest love I have ever known.  As I let hurt out I let love in.  I truly believe that great love heals all wounds.  I have had many discussions and therapy sessions over hurt and past grievances.  What I tell others is that letting go doesn’t mean you have to forgive the person who has wronged you.  It means that you have accepted the situation as it is, and have chosen to make it right for yourself.  Life is too short to allow our past hurt to hold us back from making the life we deserve. 
 The sixth on my list was to help someone in need.  I’ve never passed up an opportunity to help others.  Throughout the year I have had the blessing to serve others, and it has been the greatest experience ever.  The most unexpected moment was being able to help a veteran in the store.  I’m so grateful for the opportunities to help others, and to share moments of love with complete strangers.  I truly believe that what you give other life gives you back. 
Guess what I’m not perfect.  I was unable to complete 7,8,9, and 12 but they are still on my life bucket list.  One of the greatest things I have learned this year is letting go of my need to be perfect.  It’s been the greatest thing I’ve ever done. 
 Number Ten on my list was falling in love.  Early this year I talked about falling back in love with life and I have.  The other thing I have done is fell in love with an amazing man.  I’m grateful for my new husband and the things that he has taught me about life.  I look forward to our wonderful new journey!
Eleven on my list was go on a road trip.  This year I have been able to have many road trips and experienced those with my new husband.  The biggest road trip was going to Vegas to get Married (YEA) and California to meet my new family.  I’m grateful for the time I spent with those I love.  
2013 has brought many changes and by far has surpassed all my expectations of joy and love. I continue to be blessed with the most amazing family in the world. I married the greatest man I have ever known, and become a mother to the worlds most talented and beautiful children. I look forward with great anticipation on the many blessings 2014 will bring. Here's to the ending of an amazing year and the start to a new. sk√°ld!  

Love,

Crystal Angel

    

Monday, September 16, 2013

My story!!!




 


This month is my seven year anniversary in my recovery with my eating disorder.  To some it’s no secret that I am a recovering Bulimic.  It’s always been a struggle for me to talk or even admit that I had a problem.  Over the years, I found that sharing my story helps in the recovery process.  Today I am not ashamed to tell people that bulimia was a part of my life.  When I hid it from the world I was ashamed.  Ashamed that my relationship with food came down to one thing: purging what I ate.  From the time I woke up until I laid my head down at the end of the day I was in a constant state of the process of food entering my body and how quickly I would force it to leave.   

When people find out that I had an eating disorder many want to know why.  I’ve always struggled to answer that question.   For many people it starts because they want to be skinny.  I’ve always been a confident woman, and been proud of who I am and where I came from.  I can’t tell you how many times people have described me as a woman who has her stuff together and even more so people who have described me as being perfect.  Looking back I guess I would say that it was that strive for perfection that would really tear me down.   The church I went to demanded it, in my family it was expected, and as a result in my distorted mind I created this unrealistic expectation of what I though perfect meant.  The perfect life: being the perfect student, having the perfect body, the perfect church goer, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect worker, the perfect woman, PERFECT at EVERYTHING.  The demands of perfection that I placed on myself (that I thought other’s placed on me)led to skipping meals, obsessively exercising, purging, and to top it off diet and laxative abuse.  Looking back it’s amazing to me how much that drive to perfection wasted me away mentally, physically, and spiritually.  For years I was in denial that I had a problem.  I always had an excuse of why I was so thin: too busy to eat, exercising to release stress, etc.   

I can’t remember the whole details that brought me to seek help for my eating disorder.  All I remember is one of my co-workers confronting me and expressing to me that she felt I had a problem.  Of course I denied that I had a problem, until I couldn’t deny it anymore.  Passing out during exercise and randomly I knew wasn’t safe.  During treatment I remember my counselor asking, “Why and what got me this far in my eating disorder.”  I remember answering control.  I realized that things in my life could fall apart and not be perfect, but my weight, exercise, and bowels were the one thing I could control.  Over exerting my body was a way that I could release the energy of trying to be perfect when I couldn’t.  He then asked “what brings you to treatment now?”  My answer: “I realize that I no longer have control and there is no way in hell I can ever be perfect.  I don’t want this to be my life.  I am better than that.”  I wish I could say that I was one of those people that sought treatment and never had a relapse.  Yet, those thoughts of inadequacy, worthlessness, and urges to be perfect continue to creep up in my life.   Looking back on my life the cost of my addiction went beyond paying for treatment: food is different for me I can’t stick a piece of food in my mouth without knowing how many calories I am consuming, exercise is not as relaxing as it used to be as I am constantly wondering if I am doing too much or not enough, and I can never walk in the store without having urges to want to walk down the diet and laxative isle.   I feel like I can’t really ever let my guard down when it comes to being in recovery from bulimia.  Emotions are with me every day.  While the urges to revert back to my destructive behaviors are far more under control today than ever before it can sometimes tap me on the shoulder as a simple reminder that those urges are only an emotional breakdown away if I’m not careful.   All I know is

Today I am NOT bulimic.

Today I am a RECOVERING bulimic.

This is my life and for that I am thankful!

 

 

Crystal Angel

Friday, July 19, 2013

Why don’t we see our own strength?



                It’s amazing to me how we fail to recognize our own strength.  My grandma was an amazing woman.  She had a talent of making things better.  When I think of her strength I am in awe.  To me she was a wonderful, strong, independent woman.  Her perseverance in dealing with life’s trials were admirable.   As I look back on her life, and the many things she accomplished the one thing I noticed was she never recognized what a strong person she was.  She raised 10 beautiful, amazing, strong, independent women one woman in particular who happens to be my mother.  People who pass my mom on the street may think she is an average woman.  Yet, she is one of the strongest people I know she is beautiful, smart, talented, and a loving person.  My mother has a heart of gold, and to me she is a hero.  She too doesn’t recognize how amazing and wonderful she is.  Which is why I pose the question “Why is it we don’t see our own strength”? 

                I have been told by many people that I am a strong person.  Logically, why wouldn’t I be when I have had so many great examples of what strong really means.  Yet, I too don’t see my own strengths.  I focus on my flaws, and get down on myself for not being better.  Don’t get me wrong I have learned many valuable lessons in my life which have made me the strong vibrant woman that I am.  Yet, there are days that I feel weak, unworthy, and lost.  People sometimes ask me how I can be so strong when bad things happen.  I don’t really have an answer on what makes me strong.  I just know that sometimes when life throws you lemons the best thing to do is make lemonade.  If there is one thing I learned from my grandma and mom is that when bad things happen in life It doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong,  it’s called life.  I’m not really sure why people get some of the trials they do in this life, but they do and it makes them who they are.  As I look back on my life, I’ve realized that those bad things I’ve experienced in my life have molded me into the person I desire to be, and made me appreciate the good.

                I once heard this quote that said “you never know how strong you are until you have to be”.   My grandma lost her beloved husband at a young age and raised 8 out of 14 children on her own.  I know she didn’t expect to lose her husband but it happened.  My grandma talked to me about the pain she felt in losing the love of her life, and thinking she would never be able to live without him.  My grandma said she wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear, but she didn’t.  She knew she had to take care of her family, and that’s what she did.  She found the strength to get up and be the amazing grandma and mother that she was.  I can’t count the number of times on my hand that I have said “I can’t get through this” and I do.  We don’t get to pick the things that happen in our life, but we get the choice on how we deal with them.    

I’m always telling people that what we say, what we do, how we act, has a lasting impression.  We make mistakes some of them are fixable and some of them are not.  I’m such a stubborn person (hard to believe I know), and I sometimes find myself buried trying to fix things that aren’t meant to be fixed.  My mom always taught me to let go of the things that can no longer be fixed.  If you force to try to put them back together, things will only get worse.  When I was younger I broke one of my mother’s priceless possessions.  I remember trying to glue it back together (let’s just say it didn’t work).  When my mom found out she was hurt and upset, but she asked me what I learned and said don’t do it again.  Just because we can’t fix something it doesn’t mean that we have failed.  It just means that we weren’t meant to have it.  This can be hard when you’re trying to fix a relationship that just isn’t fixable.   As much as I want to fix people in my life I have learned that the only person that I can fix is myself.  As we learn to recognize the things we need to change, the people we need to let go of, and live the life we are meant to be it empowers us to be better and happier.               

I don’t know if I would consider myself a strong person it’s just that I have learned that in the midst of getting bucked off life’s horse it’s not a matter of how bad we get hurt it’s about getting back on the horse and finishing our ride.   No matter what, at least once in our life, someone will hurt us.  Someone will take us for granted.  Someone may not see us for what we really are, but never give up.  As we endure through life’s hardships we will eventually learn to appreciate the things we learned, and the strength we gained along the way.  Life is not a destination but a wonderful journey.   
 
Crystal Angel 

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Letting go of perfection!


There is no "Easy Button" for life. As a therapist people are consistently looking for the "Quick Fix" to emotional distress and pain. We cannot heal a lifetime of pain overnight. Experiencing pain isn't easy. As you allow yourself to go through it.... it becomes a teacher, a motivator, it allows you to love more deeply, and eventually it allows for healing.   Whenever I’m working with people who avoid past hurt or grievances I tell them that they can either deal with it now, or it will come back and bite them in the ass.  The only reason why I give this advice is because I have been bitten so many times you would think I would eventually learn my lesson.

 In my 32 years of life I have learned that no matter how much we push unresolved issues (hurt, pain, past mistakes, unhappiness, etc) down they always seem to resurface.  I’m no expert in facing obstacles and hardships in my life, in fact, I avoid them like the plague.  If I’m forced to face something uncomfortable I try to make it go away as quick as possible. It’s like placing your hand on a hot burner.  It’s gonna hurt whether you leave it on or take it off.  Just because you remove your hand from the hot burner doesn’t mean that your hand will be instantly healed and functional.  We can try to ignore the pain, but if you’ve ever been burnt before you know it’s almost impossible to ignore it.  With any type of physical pain there is a healing process.  So, why would we expect any difference with emotional pain?   

In my experience of personally or professionally dealing with pain I have learned a lot.  First, pain can turn us in two ways it can either make us bitter or it can transform us to something better. As a young adult I suffered from an eating disorder.  I was the type of woman that did everything I could to be perfect or at least make people think I was perfect.  It’s amazing how on the quest to perfection I completely lost who I was and became the bitterest person I know.  On the outside people saw this friendly, loving, and confident woman.  On the inside, the most insecure woman who never felt good enough.  As hard as I tried I still can’t turn off the tape in my head that tells me “I’m not good enough or worthy enough to be happy”.   Why, when we know that there's no such thing as perfect, do most of us spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to be everything to everyone?  For some reason we believe that perfection will protect us from pain, blame, and hurt.  I mean if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect it’s easier to minimize or avoid the pain.   

            The second thing that I have learned about pain is it can be a saboteur.  We use our past hurt and discomfort form moving on to bigger and better things.  I can’t tell you how many times something amazing came across my path, and before I could allow  it bless my life I dismissed it.  For some reason I never felt good enough for life’s blessings and love.  If you want to know what burying pain does to a person….It blinds you…..it makes you feel so unworthy of the good things in life.  As a result we stay stuck.  I mean feeling something is better than feeling nothing at all right?  Seven years ago when I was consumed by my pain I took a look at my life and said I want it back.  I decided that I no longer wanted pain to consume my life, and I entered treatment for my eating disorder.  It’s been a long road, but everyday I’m feeling more worthy of love and happiness.  I’d be lying if I said that it was easy.  The longer you hold the pain in the more destructive it can be.  I still find myself wanting to sabotage the good things that come my way, and not feeling I will ever be worthy enough for love.  I’m so very grateful for the amazing people in my life who refuse to allow me to sabotage their love.  Who continue to knock down my walls, and who allow me to be the beautiful imperfect being that I am.  I look forward knowing that I deserve to be happy, guilt free, and loved.  If you find yourself struggling to let go make a step today to be better and free yourself from pain and distress. 
Love, Crystal Angel    

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

"Life is not a matter of milestones, but of moments."

                             

The thing that I love most about working with children is that they help you remember that the small things in life bring the greatest joy.  I don’t know what it is about watching children enjoy each moment, and how much happiness  they can get from playing with dirt, boxes, or other things that we as adults often fail to recognize.    Somewhere between being a child and becoming an adult we lose sight on cherishing the moments in life, no matter how small, that bring true joy.  As an adult we start to focus on achieving milestones in our life like graduating from high school, then college, getting a career, and then advancing in our career.  Of course there are moments in our life where we appreciate the “TRUE” joys like spending time with family and friends, appreciating nature, and treasuring those silent moments of peace.  I have also had opportunity to work with adults and the elderly population.  In the process of working with them I heard many people tell me that life moves too fast and  they wished they would have appreciated it more.  I have never heard someone wish they would have spent more time working or making money.  As a child I don’t remember stressing very much about anything, but as an adult I find myself stressing about things that don’t really matter.  Sometimes when I find myself overwhelmed with the stresses in life I like to find serenity in the beauties of nature.  It’s amazing to me how much beauty is around us, and how often we fail to recognize what our creator has blessed us with.  Yesterday morning I got up to let my dogs out, and as I turned to come back inside something caught my eye.  It was the most magnificent sunrise I have ever seen.  I stared in awe at the beauty I had just witness.  I thought how many people miss this moment?  I felt so lucky to have the opportunity that many others would not.  The thing that I love about sunrises and sunsets is you never see the same one twice.  Each day has its own magnificent beauty.  Beauty that in our fast pace world we rarely spend the time to appreciate.  I believe that we always have enough time, money, and energy for what is most important to us.  Disease, divorce, or death of a loved one are all jarring reminders about what really matters most.  Life happens and forever rushes forward.  But the present moment is what we have, so choose to be happy and love right now.  Don’t wait for the milestones to happen to be happy, because life is not a destination.   Happiness starts right now by appreciating the moments in life and fully embracing them.  It’s a choice to choose happiness and love, and it will never come to us if we are distracted or fail to recognize it.    

Crystal Angel

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Conquering Fear!!!


I'm still attempting to meet my goals for this year, but life sometimes steers us in different directions.  It's been an interesting couple of months for me.  I was looking over my tender mercies list for 2013 deciding what I was going to blog about next.  Over the past couple of months I have been pondering a lot about life and the decisions we choose to make.  For years I have blocked myself from love.  That doesn't mean that I didn't love anyone during this time, but I was fearing love (to give or receive it).  As a result I pushed people away, was blinded by my fear, and became comfortable with the thought that I didn’t deserve to love or be loved.  When I step back and think about that it sounds pretty damn crazy.  What I have experienced in life is when people experience hurt as a result of love it creates fear.  As a result of being hurt we unconsciously make decision to block out love all together.     

So, why do we often opt for fear?  Because from the Ego's standpoint, love can be terrifying.  Love requires that we give up control.  Fear allows us to seemingly maintain a certain degree of control.  Love can make us vulnerable, or so we think.  Fear allows us to keep the illusion that, by maintaining vigilance, we can logically determine the best course of action, and protect ourselves from pain.  At this point we have to make a decision choose love or choose fear.  About 6 months ago I decided to let go of my fear of love, and decided to open up to the possibility of love.   

At first the thought of choosing love meant that I had to "expose" myself to past vulnerabilities, including opening up to the possibility of being hurt.  Most of us have painful memories of, after opening ourselves up to love, being hurt or disappointed by those we trusted most.  When we are hurt and manipulated by those we love, our trust is shattered.  We feel violated.  The fear then leads to anger.  We swear we will never allow ourselves to be so vulnerable again.  We chastise ourselves for being so "stupid" as to trust in the first place.  Out of fear we start to build walls which we think will protect us from the future pain.  What we don't realize is that by building walls we prevent ourselves from receiving the love we truly want and deserve.  That's why, no matter how much we fear love and swear off love… after a time of recovery, we usually decide "take the chance' on love.   

All I can say is as I have found someone who has helped me overcome my fear of love.  Since I have chosen to love again I feel so much more complete.  I love more deeply, and I am happier than I have ever been before.  I’m so excited for this new venture in my life.  There is no greater joy than loving someone with my whole heart.  Not allowing fear and insecurities of past relationships to justify the walls I have put up in the past.  I look forward to growing old with the greatest love I have ever known.  The only thing we can truly fear is the unlived life. 

 

Crystal Angel       

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I am who I am


Who’s in control of your life? Who’s pulling your strings?

For the majority of us, it’s other people – society, colleagues, friends, family or our religious community. We learned this way of operating when we were very young, of course. We were brainwashed. We discovered that feeling important and feeling accepted was a nice experience and so we learned to do everything we could to make other people like us. We didn’t want to be singled out by the crowd for being different because this wasn’t such a nice feeling. We learned this way of being so well that, as adults, we continue – mostly through mutual peer pressure – to keep each other in check.

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." – Oscar Wilde

It works both ways. First, we are afraid of disapproval. Am I dressed right? Will people laugh at me? Will I look stupid? Will I make a mistake? When we feel that others think badly of us, it makes us feel bad and so we try to avoid this.

Second, we all want to feel important and so we crave the positive attention of others. And so when people stroke our ego and tell us how wonderful we are, it makes us feel good. We crave this good feeling like a drug – we are addicted to it and seek it out wherever we can.

We are so desperate for the approval of others that we live unhappy and limited lives, denying huge swathes of ourselves and failing to do the things we really want to do because we’re worried about what other people will think. Just as drug addicts and alcoholics live impoverished lives to keep getting their fix, so we impoverish our own existence to get our own constant fix of approval.

The drug is so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense. But, just as with any drug, there is a price to pay. The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves. Do you want your drug or do you want to be free? You cannot have both. If you want to pull your own strings, you need to stop giving away your power – you need to genuinely stop caring what other people think about you.

The truth is that it’s all an illusion anyway – you cannot control what other people think. People have their own agenda, they come with their own baggage and, in the end, they’re more interested in themselves than in you.

If we try to live by the opinions of others, we will build our life on sinking sand. Everyone has a different way of thinking, and people change their opinions all the time. The person who tries to please everyone will only end up getting exhausted and probably pleasing no one in the process.

So how can we take back control? If we are truly ready to give up the drug of approval and importance (which most people are not), I think there’s only one way – make a conscious decision to stop caring what other people think.

This doesn’t mean that you should start to treat people badly, step on them or use them. Why would it? I read somewhere recently that the world would be terrible if nobody cared what other people thought of them. But why so? We all know what’s right and wrong. We all have values that guide our life that help us make good decisions– not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective, purposeful and happy life. We will be actualized and successful.

My mom use to tell me that being successful wasn't about getting people's approval she encouraged me to take this advice. "Crystal, if you can look in the mirror at the end of each day and be happy with the person staring back at you that's all that really matters." People ask me all the time how I have such a high self-esteem. I don't know if I really have an aswer to that question all I know is that I'm happy being me.

Crystal Angel

Monday, January 21, 2013

Tender Mercies Post 1: Falling back in love with life



As you look back on your life, you will often realize that many times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to do something better. We can't control everything, but sometimes we just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go of the little things and just let life happen. Sometimes the truths you can't change, end up changing you and helping you grow. One of the things that I have pondered lately is falling back in love with life. I think too often in life we overcomplicate it, and forget to appreciate the small things that make life worth living. Here are some of my thoughts on falling back in love with life.

1. Everything is as it should be. It's crazy how you always end up where your meant to be--how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn. Remember, often times when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place. The hard times in life make me appreicate the good times. I don't have any regrets in life. I truly believe that life is how it should be. It may not always be what I want, but it will always be what I make of it.

2. Not until you are lost in this world can you begin to find your true self. Realizing you are lost is the first step in living the life you want. The second step is leaving the life you don't want. Making a big life change is pretty scary. But you know what's even scarier? Regret. Vision wihtout action is a day dream, and action without vision is a nightmare. Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it. I have learned the most when taking risks in my life. It may be picking myself up after being knocked down over and over again, but I figure the more scars I have at the end of the life the better!!

3. It's usually the deepest pain that empowers you to grow to your full potential. It's the scary, stressful choices that end up being the most worthlile. Without pain, there would be no change. But remember, pain, just like everything else in life, is meant to be learned from then released.  If we hold on to pain too long it can be destructive.

4. One of the hardest decisions you will ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or take another step forward. If you catch yourself in a cycle of trying to change someone, or defending yourself against someone who is trying to change you, walk away. But if you are pursing a dream, take another step. And don't forget that sometimes this step will involve modifying your dream, or planning a new one. It's okay to change your mind or have more than one dream.  A dream is something that is created with our deepest desire.   

5. You would have to take care of yourself first! Before befriending others, you have to be your own friend. Before correcting others, you have to correct yourself. Before making others happy, you have to make yourself happy. It's not called shelfishness, it's called personal development. Once you balance yourself, only can you balance the world around you.  You must be on higher ground before you can lift someone else up. Take care of yourself!!

6. One of the greatest freedoms is truly not caring what everyone else thinks of you. As long as you are worreid about what others think of you, you are owned by them. Only when you require no approval from outside yourself, can you own yourself. I learned this truth a long time ago. I don't mind constructive criticism, but in the end I decide who I want to be.

7. You may need to be single for a while before you realize that, although the co-owned belongings for your failed relationships might not have beed divided equally, the issues that destroyed the relationship likely were. For how can you stand confidently alone, or see the same issues arising in your newest relationship, and not realize which broken pieces belong to you? Owning your issues, dealing with them, will make you far happier in the long run, than owning anything else in this world.  The only way to have a successful relationship is to start with yourself first. 

8. The only thing you can absoultely control is how you react to things out of your control. The more you can adapt to the situations in life, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you will be able to bounce back from the lows in your life. Put most simply: being at peace means being in a state of complete acceptance of all that is, right here, right now.

9. Some people will lie to you. Remember, an honest enemy is better than a friend who lies. Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do. Their actions will show you the truth, which will hlep you measure the true quality of your rleationship in the long-term.

10. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough. If you are thankful for what you have, you will end up having even more. Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold; happiness dwells in the soul. Abundance is not about how much you have, it's how you feel about what you have. When you take things for granted, your happiness gets taken away.

11. Yes, you have failed in the past. Don't judge yourself by your pasat, you don't have to live there anymore. Just because you are not where you want to be today doesn't mean you won't be there someday. You can turn it all around in the blink of an eye by making a simple choice to stand back up to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.

12. Everything is going to be alright; maybe not today, but eventually. There will be times when it seems like eveything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. You might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won't. Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine. Sometimes it's a matter of us staying positive in order to see the sunshine break through the clouds again.

Life is what we make of it start living your life today!  I love being in love with life!

Crystal Angel