Sunday, November 28, 2010

Letter 10: To my best Friend

I’ve had a lot of good friends in the past. At this time in my life I would like to write to my friend Miranda.


My dearest friend I just want you to know how thankful I am that I have you in my life. Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful that Heavenly father let us meet and become friends. I remember the first day that we met, and the conversation that we had. TABLE ROCK will always be one of my favorite places now because of you. It’s like we were meant to be in each other’s lives. It’s like GOD knew that we needed each other, and he was right. There have only been a few people that I have been able to click with the way that we click with each other. The best thing about our friendship for me is sometimes I just have to look at you and say nothing and you know what I’m thinking. I once heard this quote that said “A best friend is someone you can sit on a porch swing with, say nothing, and walk away feeling like that has been the best conversation you’ve ever had.” I feel that way with you. I’ve had many friends that I have met along the way, but of all the friends I have had I would have to say that your one of the best.
We all need someone who will take our side no matter what, and you have always done that. You have never judged me, and have ALWAYS been a guiding light leading me off the bumpy roads that I have gotten myself on. You have wiped away tears, laughed with me (LAUGHED A LOT WITH ME), been angry with me, and LOVED me unconditionally. I’ve never been able to share so much with someone the way that I share with you. YOU’RE a trusting person, and I am so grateful that you are able to keep my secrets. You’ve allowed me to make mistakes, and hugged me when things have gone wrong. You have never condemned me for doing wrong…you’ve never said “I told you so.” Yet, you did not hesitate to stand by me and helped me through the most difficult times in my life. Not everyone will do that, but you always have. You’re such a loyal FRIEND!!!
I know that your friendship is a blessing to me…a miracle to me….and has been a strength to me. I know because you are in my life I will be just fine. I know that I am a better person just for knowing you. I know that I have a person who will accept me for who I am and who cares and loves me no matter what. Thank you for helping me to recognize my faults, and for teaching me to better myself. Your example of Christ-like love is endearing. I am SO THANKFUL, for your friendship and want you to know how grateful I am for you in my life. If I don’t say it enough I LOVE YOU!!! I’m excited to continue down the journey of friendship with you!!
Your sister from another mother,

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Letter 9: A letter to someone who is deceased

Dear Grandma,
I remember sitting by you the first time we had to put you into the hospital. You looked at me with your big blue eyes and said “Crystal, I don’t understand why all these people are here. No one is going to care when I die. Is that what they are waiting for me to do is die.” Your eyes filled with tears and you turned away from me and wept. I remember placing your head in my hands and I told you “I care grandma…..I don’t want you to die…………..I can’t IMAGINE my life without you.” At that point you stopped crying looked in my eyes and said “I’m afraid everyone will forget me.” It has been 4 years since you past away, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t reach for my phone to call you only to realize that you can’t be reached. I still don’t have the heart to delete your number from my phone. There is not a birthday that goes by that I don’t wait for your birthday card for me to arrive in the mail. As the days and years have passed away my life without you has not been the same. There is a framed picture that resides by my bed stand of just us two. It’s a picture that someone took of us and we didn’t realize it. You are whispering something in my ear….just like you always did when there was a crowd around. What’s funny is I remember what you whispered to me that day. I giggle every time I see that picture. What’s weird though is that picture gives me the strength to go on without you. It’s as though you’re whispering to me NOW…saying “Crystal, I’m proud of you….or Crystal I know you can do it.” You were the best grandma in the world, and I was so lucky that I had you in my life. I know that you would kill me if you knew this, but I talk about you to everyone. I am just so grateful to have known such a wonderful person. I don’t ever want to forget you, and I want other people to know of your goodness, love, and compassion. You have always been a hero in my eyes. Your strength and wisdom have touched so many people. The best thing of all though is that your legacy lives on. I see so much of you in your children, in your children’s children, and in me. I know that you are with Grandpa Andy now, and I look forward to the day when I am reunited with you. I know that you are with me now, because I feel your presence with me on a daily basis. Your life lives on through the countless memories I have of you. I miss and Love you so much!!! Just so you know …..I still care…. I still miss you….. And I will never forget you.
With all my heart,

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Letter 8: Someone that I have hurt

To whoever I have hurt,

I’ve probably hurt many people in my life. I can’t think of one particular instance, but I know that I have done it because I’m not perfect. I hope that whoever you are that you forgive me. At times my words can be harsh, and I have tried to monitor what I say, but as those close to me have learned sometimes words just slip out of my mouth. I know that words are very powerful …..more so than anything else. So if there is something I have said or done to hurt you I’m sorry. I’m not a vindictive or hateful person, and I really try not to hurt people. It makes me so sick when I know that I have hurt someone. I’m so grateful for forgiveness, and for the people who have forgiven me in my life. I know what it is like to be hurt by someone, and I hate causing pain to other people. So with all my heart I am so sorry, and I really do love you. I hope that you can forgive me if I have ever doen anything to hurt you.


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Letter 7: A letter to my Siblings

Dear Becky,
We fought when we were younger yet we patched things up. We laughed at each others jokes that no one else understood. We said some of the meanest things to each other… yet no one else could and I know we would have defended each other till the death. We did some of the silliest things together, and shared secrets that no one else will ever know. You’ve always been here for me and for that I’m grateful for. No matter how big or small my problem is I know that I can come to you and you will listen. I remember when I was little having night terrors, and waking up in the middle of the night. We shared a room and when I would get scared I would jump into your bed. I know that I woke you up, and instead of yelling at me you put your arm around me and kept me safe. For as long as I can remember you’ve protected me. I’ve been so blessed to see you grow into a wonderful talented woman. It saddens me when you don’t see what I see in you. You can do no wrong in my eyes. Thank you so much for laughing, for teaching me things, and for crying with me. I know that no matter what happens in my life that I can always depend on you. In life people will come and go; children will come and eventually they go. Friends grow up and move away, but the one thing that will never be lost is your sister. Thank you so much for all you do I love you.

Dear James,
I’m grateful to have a brother like you. I remember in high school people being scared of you. When people told me that they were scared of you I would laugh. I think that your bark was bigger than your bite if you know what I mean. You are such a soft person with a big heart, and I admire that about you. You are the peacekeeper, and a defender of people. I loved when I was little and didn’t want to hang out with the girls in the neighborhood you would allow me to hang out with you and your friends. I loved catching frogs with you, playing ball, and climbing trees. I still think that I made the best tom boy…not every girl can say that they can pee standing up without peeing all over themselves…but I can gladly say that I have mastered that skill. I did it because I wanted to be like you. I see you in your life, and am amazed at how positive you remain despite all the bad things that have happened to you. You’re the looking at the glass half full kind of person, and I truly need that in my life. I love your laid back attitude and determination. I know that you will go far in your life. You’re a wonderful dad and husband. I’m excited for the changes that you have made in your life, and KNOW that you will do great things. I’m excited to see what you will become. I hope that you realize what an amazing individual that you are. I’m so PROUD to have a brother like you. Thanks for always being here for me, and for the wonderful support that you have given to me. I love you so much.

Dear Tiffany,
I know that your not my biological sibiling but I consider you my sibling none the less. Yoru a wonderful sister-in-law. I’m so proud of the strength that you have. Believe me I know how hard it is to LOVE James (Just Kidding), but I want you to know that he is a great guy. I’m so glad that your in his life, because I know that you have been a support to him. The great thing about James is once he sets his mind to something he will succeed. That is why I know that he will always treat you well. I know that he jokes around a lot, but we get that from our mom…so blame her. Thank you so much for being a great mom to my nieces and nephews. I am learning from your example. I have loved getting to know you and the wonderful person that you are becoming. I’m excited to see your family grow, and to see the influence that you have been to them. Thanks so much for talking to me when I need it. I want you to know that I love you so much.



Dear Tracey,
With you I know that I can say only a few words, and it will be okay. You’re a great brother-in-law. I know that we are different, but I have loved the talks that we have had. You have such a laid back personality, yet your very bright, and hard worker. You have some beautiful children, and a wonderful wife. It’s exciting to see them grow and become these amazing people. I love Gavin’s stories about his dad, and I can tell how much he loves you. I know that you have had a lot of stress on you lately, but I want you to know that I see how hard that you work. Thanks for putting up with me, and allowing me to stay with you for that brief period. It has truly been a joy getting to know you. I want you to know that I love you and I’m grateful for all you have done to me. Thanks for listening to me complain…and for stealing your children every now and again.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Letter 6: Someone in my life who has caused me a lot of pain

I know that I am suppose to write to someone who has caused me a lot of pain in my childhood, but I couldn’t think of anyone from my childhood who has caused me a lot of pain. So, I’m going to write to someone who has caused me a lot of pain.

Here is the letter you never received. I wrote this at one point, but forgave you instead. I still forgive you, but I think I just need to tell you how I feel……. I regret not telling how you hurt me. So, here’s my opportunity. I’m hurt and seriously regret the years of wasted time I spent with you. I’m angry that you used me, and thought so less of me you couldn’t just let me go. Sometimes I blame myself, but realize that it was you. Believe me I have analyzed this over and over in my head. You took all my goodness every part of it, and left me with nothing. You had a million of excuses of why you couldn’t be here for me. I gave so much to you and expected nothing in return but was hopeful that our relationship could be equal and in return you never gave back. You were never there for me the way I was there for you. You’ve told me that before so I know that I’m not just making this up in my head. I don’t understand and still don’t understand why I allowed you to use me in such the way that you did. I guess I trusted you…..out of everyone to trust I still can’t believe I trusted you. I gave my trust to someone who didn’t respect me….who didn’t love me……..and for that I’m angry. You ruined that trust, and everyday I pray that I can get it back. It’s like you decided everything and I had no control. I still can’t believe that you gave no explanation for your behavior is that all I get. Seriously!!! I SEE how much I meant to you. It’s been difficult for me to forgive you completely which makes me feel like a horrible person. Everyone has told me that I have a reason to hate you, but it’s not in me to hate you. At some points I wish I could…it would make things a lot easier. I have a lot of regret when I think of you. I don’t have many regrets in my life, but your one of them. I think that people whether they impact your life for the better or worse help you to learn something. So I guess you taught me something. Everyday I am moving away from the bitterness and hole that you caused me, and I know one day through no help of you I will move past the pain. I want you to know that I forgive you, because despite the pain that you caused me I loved you. It makes me happy to know that I can say that I forgive you and really mean it. I hope that you learn from this experience and realize you cannot treat people the way that you have treated me.


Saturday, November 6, 2010

Letter 5: To my parents

Dear Mom,
You’ve always kept it simple in my life which is wonderful because as you well know I tend to make things complicated. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life. You have taught me so much about the little and big things in life. You have made things so fun when I want to make things methodical. You always have known what to say to make me smile, but you also know when to keep things serious. You balance things out. I’m proud to say that I get my sense of humor from you, and I love how we can go for hours with our witty comebacks to each other. It makes me laugh that I’m an adult and you still call me your baby. I love how stubborn you are, and the knowledge that you have given to me in my life. I don’t think that there is a mom out there who loves her kids as much as you love us. You have taught me about unconditional love through your example. You have taught me to be a strong independent woman. My fondest memories of you is watching Saturday morning cartoons, our movie nights, shopping dates, cleaning and cooking with you, and taking cat naps with you. Most of all I love the relationship that we have and the time that we spend together. You’re the best mom in the world, and I love you with all my heart. Not every mom in the world allows their stubborn daughter to eat cookies and milk for breakfast because there was no way you were going to make me eat oatmeal. Thanks for all you do. If I don’t say it enough know that I love you.
With love your little angel.

Dear Dad,
Any girl can say that their dad is their hero and your no different to me. You’ve always been there. I remember the daddy daughter dates that we went to when I was a teenager. I cherish the memory of us line dancing together the thought of that still makes me laugh. I love how I would fake sick from the first day that you came home from your logging jobs, and you would come to the school pick me up and take care of me at home. Don't be mad I just wanted to be with you. I think you knew that I was faking and would come pick me up any way. The best memory I have of you though is the date you took me on when I was 16. It was then you taught me how I should be treated by any guy who took me out. You have been a great example of how guys should treat women, and I have treasured that. I love how you treat mom like a queen and how you take care of her. You’ve always treated us right, and I love the Valentine I get every year. I am grateful that you have taught me about cars, and the importance of finishing what I start. I love our little fights on who is "RIGHT" because we are very similar in personalities. If i have you thinking now.... I'm ALWAYS RIGHT!!! Thank you so much for always being here for me. I’m so grateful for the love and support you have given me throughout my life. I will always and forever love you. Thanks again, and I truly hope one day I will be able to find a guy who will show me the love that you show mom. I love and adore you.

With all my love,

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Letter 4: My first Love or Crush

Dear First love,
I remember the first day that we met. I felt tingles in my body, and I knew that you were someone special. I remember always wanting to be with you. I remember how excited I got when I got to see you or when you called me on the phone. Our first date was perfection, and every day after was amazing while I was with you. You opened my heart up to possibilities and dreams. Although, we were only together for a short time it was the first time I felt feelings of love in a relationship outside my family and friends. It was something new and exciting, but I was scared. I never knew I could feel such feelings that is why I pushed you away. I know that you felt it me pushing, because I did to. I didn’t mean to break your heart, but it happened because I wasn’t ready for the love you had to offer to me at that point in my life. The day you left I didn’t cry in front of you, but I did cry. I was heartbroken and didn’t know why. It was only later in life that I realized that I hurt because I loved you. I still think about you, and I am so glad you found someone to be with who makes you happy. I’m glad we are still friends today, and that I can be part of your life. You taught me things about myself that I never knew, and I will be forever grateful for your example and your love. I have been able to share the love you taught me with other’s that I have dated and I hope one day I will be able to share my love eternally with someone as you do with your wife. Thank you for teaching me so much about love.



Monday, November 1, 2010

Letter 3: My future Children

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To my future children
All of my life I have looked up to the mom’s in my life. My mom came from a family with 9 sisters’ all who have touched my life in one way or another. They have taught me things about being a mother, about being patient, and loving with all of their hearts. From the first time that I picked up a doll to give it a bottle I knew I wanted to be a mother. It’s an instinctual part of me as and for all women whether they know it or not. I have always cherished the opportunity to be a mom, and have looked forward to the day that I will become a mom. I cannot wait for the day that the responsibility of motherhood will come to be. I have dreamed of my children, and look forward to the days that a precious spirit of god is place in my arms. I’m not afraid because I have had good teachers in my life. My mom has taught me how to be a mom. She has always been there for me, and I pray that one day I will have the opportunity to show my mom what she has taught me by being a mom of my own. My grandmother was also an amazing example of what a mother is. With as great as teachers as them I know that I will succeed. I hope that you are patient with me…..I will need it. I know that I will make mistakes….I know at times I will seem overbearing or protective. But one thing I want you to know is that I will love you for always and forever. I pray that I will teach you the things that you need to know.

With all my heart,

Crystal Angel