Sunday, December 26, 2010

Hurt; How to forgive

"There he hung, his body broken and bleeding, still taunted by his enemies; and it was in the midst of all this that Jesus [pled] perhaps quietly, with deep reverence, ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34.)” I don't understand how he did it. I marvel at the love and forgiveness that Jesus has for each and everyone of us. But still I wonder how could He forgive His tormenters at that moment? With all that pain, with blood having fallen from every pore, he did it. He forgave them.

Recently and a few other times throughout my life I have been hurt by the action of another. Usually, I am quick to forgive becuase I to fall short of being or doing good all the time. But for some people who intentionally hurt us...who's actions are not pure...who's actions are completely do we find it in our heart to forgive them?

All I feel lately is pain, regret, and anger. I hate feeling this way. I know it's not right. I try to smile and push these feelings deep down so I don't feel this way, and they keep surfacing.....and then I find myself crying uncontrollably(usually in the privacy of my car or my room). It's amazing how the choices we make may inadvertnetly hurt someone. Unfortuantely this time it was someone elses choice who hurt me. Everyday I pray that I might forgive this person, that my burden might be lifted...taht I might find it it my heart to forgive, but for some reason I cannot forgive. BELIEVE ME I really want to. It just hurts. I'm so grateful for a loving family and wonderful friends who have supported me through this difficult time.

I am so grateful for the love that I have felt from my heavenly father and a loving savior. I just want this pain to end. I want to feel free from this burden that was created from no fault of my own. I know the pain will eventually fade away but I feel a scar will always be here. I also know that I will grow stronger from this experience. For now I am open to forgiveness, but I have not completely forgiven this person. I hope one day that this person can stand before me and explain to me why they did what they did. When this happens I hope that they feel enough remorse for their actions, and that I will be able to say "I forgive you" and mean it. For now I guess it's normal feel hurt, pain, and anger. But know ABOVE ALL I feel the enduring love and peace from all of those who have been placed in my life to help me during this difficult trial.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Letter 12: Person I don’t talk to as much

My dearest friend from high school Angela,

I miss you so much. It’s amazing to me how time just flies by. It was just yesterday we spent every day with each other. Some of my best memories are with you. I won’t share all of our secrets but I will share my favorite memory with you. It was the time we decided to go toilet paper Chris’s house at 3:30 in the morning. We didn’t have transportation by car so we packed up your backpack with Toilet paper jumped on our bikes and rode to sugar. We got there about 4:30 in the morning and started to do our business only to get busted by Chris’s dad. We ran away and you twisted your ankle. We didn’t feel like biking back to your house, and we knew Greg and his parents were gone so we spent the night in his garage in the back of his truck. We had many great adventures didn’t we? Your friendship has meant the world to me, and has been a guiding light in my life. I have laughed with you, cried with you, argued with you, but above all I grew with you. You are now grown women, and we have gone our separate ways, but I have never and will never forget your love and friendship. It’s been such a pleasure to watch your family grow, and to see the amazing Mother and woman that you have become. I just want you to know that I love you and miss our talks.

Your long time and forever friend,


Sunday, December 12, 2010

Letter 11: DREAMS

I have always been one to dream. Ever since I was little I have always had dreams. I remember when I was five I wanted to be the president. Then when I was seven after seeing the Olympics for the first time I wanted to be a professional gymnast. When I hit age 13 we had a class in Junior high where we had to pick a profession we wanted to do when we “GREW up”, research it, and write a report about the one we choose. I wanted to be a pediatric nurse, and when I hit college I thought that I wanted to impact people’s lives by being a teacher. My professional dream changed when I took my first social work class and I knew that this was the profession for me. At that moment I realized that my dreams no matter how big or insignificant could change…And no matter what I decided to do my dreams were possible to achieve. The other amazing thing about my dreams is I knew that whatever I decided to do I would have support through my family and friends. I still have dreams today one of my biggest dreams is to be a wife and a mother. I also dream that I might be able to be an influence for good in people’s lives. I once heard this quote that said “when you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling live your life so that when you die everyone you know is crying and you’re the one that’s smiling.” No matter what age we are…no matter what our circumstances…my advice is to keep dreaming. This is what keeps us motivated and this is what helps us leave footprints in each other’s lives. Thank you all for sharing your dreams with me, and for allowing me to see when your dreams come true. This has been the greatest reward in my life.