Why do we pick it up?

I love my job so much, and often times my greatest thoughts come in the midst of doing therapy or groups.  I've always struggled with guilt....I'm always apologizing to others whether my behavior or actions are to blame or not. I think I can be guilted into almost anything.  I have been carrying a lot of guilt lately about choices I have made, and I'm anxiously trying to figure out a way to release my guilt.  Today I was facilitating a group therapy session.  One of the group members said "it's hard for me not to jump to conclusions with my mom.  She is so uncaring and I wish that she could feel and understand what I am going through.  Instead she makes me feel guilty for being depressed, and puts all these unrealistic demands on me.  I should just set boundaries with her, but it's difficult for me to do that."  Using her language I looked at her and said "Just because someone throw's you their shit doesn't mean you have to pick it up.  It's a choice.  Who wants to pick up someone else's shit?"  My patient looked at me smiles and says "your right who wants to pick up someone's shit?"  I think too often we carry around other people's crap or our own crap out of guilt, and a form of punishment.  Guilt serves no real purpose, and it's important to find ways to release our guilt and live a more fulfilling and rewarding life.  After my group I thought "Why do I keep picking up crap, and holding on to it?  I'm sick of the unnecessary guilt I place on myself.  I just need to let it go."    

Being an expert in the feeling guilty department I have learned a lot about guilt.  Guilt is a response to our behavior; it's a reaction to events that have occurred in our past that we are holding onto.  It can be messy, hurtful, and painful.  When the past is gone we can't go back and erase what has occurred no matter how much we wish we could, and often time because we cannot erase our past we often feel more guilt and remorse.  We carry this guilt around, and it eats away at us until we start feeling inadequate and numb. 

Sometimes the only way we feel like we can release guilt is if someone releases it for us, either by absolution, forgiveness, or repentance.  However, all that other person is really doing is saying it is okay for us to release guilt.  We are the holders to our own guilt and we are the only ones who can let it go.  Guilt serves no purpose; it only weights us down.  Guilt, the kind we carry around us is a personal choice; it is a kind of belief that we deserve to feel bad because of something we did or didn’t do.  The only purpose it serves is to make us feel miserable and unhappy. 

We can make a choice to release the guilt or we can continue to hold onto it.  Holding onto it only prevents us from moving forward.  Guilt does nothing for us or our past it is not something that will help us be a better person.  To release guilt accept it, seek forgiveness, and let go so that it no longer weighs on us.  Once you've released guilt move on and live life now.  No need to carry around crap or continue to pick it up over and over again.  Today I make a choice to release my guilt.

 

Crystal Angel