To Cry or Not to Cry?

I hate crying.  Anytime I feel the urge to cry I stuff it until I can’t stuff it anymore.  My whole life I have been taught that to cry is a sign of weakness.  So, I have been conditioned to not cry.  It’s funny if you want to make everyone in my family uncomfortable “cry” it works everytime.  LOL.  Usually, when I get the urge to cry I laugh or become super sarcastic.  Over the past week I have had some stressful and emotional things happen.  I have felt this overwhelming urge to cry, but I haven’t.  I watched my cousin’s kids on Saturday and I was telling them how much I just needed to cry.  My cousin admitted that he too feels guilty and weak when he cries.  Since reading my book by “Brene Brown” I’ve been really sensitive to my emotions and trying to allow myself to feel things that I wouldn’t normally allow myself feel.  Yet, when it comes to crying…..I just can’t as a result I feel numb.  Let’s just say I’m trying to work on it J.

 

Today I was walking through the grocery store listening to my playlist.  My favorite song came up.  When unexpectantly I became instantly overwhelmed with distressing emotions.  I thought OH CRAP!!! I’m gonna cry.  Immediately, I thought “Crystal, Don’t you dare.  Just wait till you get to your car then you can cry.”  I finished up my shopping got in my car….and DIDN’T Cry.  Surprised?  Yeah me either.  I’m still trying to figure out why I won’t allow myself to cry.  In the meantime I’m really trying to feel and understand my emotions.  I have a desire to be more mature in understanding my emotions and to be authentic and real.  Any recommendations on overcoming my fear of crying would be highly appreciated!!!

 

Crystal Angel