The gifts of imperfection!!

          

           I’ve just finished reading this book by Brene Brown called “The gifts of imperfection” Your guide to wholehearted living.  I’ve also included her youtube link on “The power of vulnerability.”  This book has been a transforming resource in my life.  I’m excited to see where her words will lead me.

            All of my life I have numbed myself to certain emotions in my life as a way to protect myself.  Some of the emotions I have chosen to numb consciously and others I have been taught to avoid.  One of the things that Brene talks about in her book is that when we numb certain emotions it takes the edge of off feelings that cause vulnerability, discomfort, and pain. Although, it may feel safe in the short term in the long term we pay the price.  When we numb the negative emotions in our life we also numb the positive emotions in our life.  If we want to experience joy in our life we must also experience pain.  As a professional avoider of pain I’m really trying to work on this. 

            I was working with a patient this past week who has struggled with depression for 25 years.  He told me he had tried everything to rid himself of his depression, and that he had given up hope that he could ever experience joy.  He looked at me and said “I just want a pill to fix everything.  I’ve tried everything else.”  I looked at him and dropped a pen in front of him and said “Try picking up the pen.”  He gave me this weird look and went to pick up the pen.  I abruptly stopped him and said “I told you to try.”  What I wanted him to realize is that sometimes dealing with emotions are difficult, and learning to understand them takes work.  It’s the same with pain.  There is no “easy button” to pain and discomfort.  We cannot heal a lifetime of pain overnight.  Experiencing pain isn’t easy, but as we allow ourselves to feel it.  Pain becomes a teacher, motivator, it allows us to love more deeply, and eventually allows for healing.  We cannot experience real joy until we experience pain.

            Over the past couple of months I have done a better job at allowing myself to feel certain emotions and not allow guilt, shame, or feelings that I don’t deserve love and belongingness to interfere in my life.  However, over the past week I have allowed these vulnerabilities to overcome me.  Immediately after responding to my fear and trust issues I recognized what I did.  However, the damage was already done.  Still over the past week I have continued to open myself up to feeling the pain.  It has been the hardest thing that I have ever done. 

            Brene said it best when she said “Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving even when it’s hard, even when we are wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we are afraid to let ourselves feel it.   Authenticity is a daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re suppose to be and embracing who we are.  Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.”  I’m so excited to see where the path of wholehearted living leads me.  No matter what comes in my life and what I experience I only want to be true to myself.  That’s the greatest gift I can give myself, and I will be able to be a better influence in the lives of others.   

 

Crystal Angel