Time

One of my faviorite songs of all times is I hope you dance. One of the best phrases in that song is: " Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone." Ask yourself this question are you taking life for granted?

I had a therapy session with new client the other day and his words got me thinking. He has grown old, and has lived a good life. In his session after telling me a little bit about himself he said "I've always been a strong man. Physically I could do a lot. I've raised a wonderful family. I have a wife who loves me. As I have lived my life I grew old. I'm not as physically strong as I use to be. My mind doesn't work like it use to. I use to look at the people who were older, and never thought that I would be them....now I'm them. Life moves too fast. What scares me most is I have never wasted any time, and enjoyed my life. Now I can't remember many of the memories that I've created. " We had a great session, and at the end of our session he looked at me and said "If I could leave you with something it would be this laugh a lot, count your blessings, take chances, love like you have never been loved, and NEVER take one day for granted."

Everyday I meet many wonderful people who 50 years ago were living the life that I'm living right now. Their stories are powerful, their wisdom is magnificant, and yet many of them are forgotten. One day we are here, and the next day the stories of our lives are ended. Some of our legacies live on, but how many of you remember your great, great, great grandparents? One of the great things about my mother's family is they have gathered an extensive family history. It's so amazing to learn about my grandparents and their families. Their stories have brought me faith, and have given me guidance through difficult times in my life. I'm learning more about my dad's side, and it's amazing getting to know who I am and my families legacy. Even though these people have passed on their stories make me apart of their life and my love for them grows stronger. I encourage all of you to get to know your family.

I can't believe how fast time flies by!!! Many memories stay fresh in my mind: The first day of kindergarten, my first best friend, my first date, my first kiss, graduating high school, my first day of college, graduating from college, my first job, etc.... the list could go on and on. My faviorite memories are not my first though they are the one's that happen everyday like conversations and interactions with my friends and family, sunrises and sunsets, meeting people, laughing, crying, and never taking one single breath for granted. I'm so grateful for my life, my family, my friends, and my experiences. I hope that I in 50 years can look at a person who is me now and say "I have lived a good life, and I never took it for granted."


Crystal Angel

The words we use

Words are powerful. We use them everyday. We use them to explain things. We use them to seek understanding. We use them to comfort a loved one. We use them to express feelings and the desires of our heart. Yet, the words we use can be destructive, hurtful, and hateful. The other day I called my niece Kristin. In her quivering shaking voice she shared with me that she was being bulled at school. She told me that she tried to be strong, and not allow the other children’s words to bother her but she told me that the words they said to hurt her. In the midst of her pain she told the children who were bulling her that she didn’t want to live anymore, because they wouldn’t stop teasing her. To hear how much my niece was hurting……. made me angry and disgusted.
Let me tell you a little about my niece. She is amazing. She can light up a room just by being in it. She is funny, helpful, talented, and brilliant. Sometimes I sit in totally awe that god sent me this wonderful person to be part of my life. We had a good conversation about why people say the things they say, and we talked about hurt feelings. We also talked about things that make us happy, and things to look forward to. We shared laughs, dreams, and loving words. Kristin told me she felt better(and to tell you the truth I felt better too), and we ended our conversation with three words “I LOVE YOU.”
The powerful effects of the words we use can be described either in psychological or spiritual terms. On a psychological level, every single word we speak and every single word we hear goes into our subconscious mind and creates some small or large effect there. How these words affect our psyches and attitudes are inevitable going to have a powerful effect on how we experience, interpret, and respond to the events of life.
On a spiritual level the words we use can be beautiful. Words describe our feelings, emotions and our thoughts (the way we communicate). God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us the freedom to choose and create. Our words can also be the difference between night and day, right and wrong, or pleasure and pain. We have to be responsible and accountable for the words we choose to use. The words we choose to use and how we use them makes a huge difference and has the greatest impact on people’s lives. Use words with caution.
There is no greater joy that comes to my life by using the right words. I pray that each and everyone of us can use our words to build people up rather than drag people down. To the individual BE RESPONSIBLE with the words you use. To PARENTS teach your children to use word that will build their fellow men. As thumper says, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”


Love,
Crystal

“Smile and people will want to know what your secret is.”

I’ve been smiling a lot lately, and it’s not because something amazing or grand has happened in my life. It’s because I have simplified my life. Too many times it’s easy to over complicate our life especially when something horrible happens. It’s amazing to me that no matter what happens in life it always gets better. We lose people that we love, we make mistakes, we fall and get hurt, but when we pick ourselves up and move on it’s the most remarkable feeling ever. I feel empowered to be who I am. I have such amazing people in life who have taught me about hope, about having faith, and helping me realize the potential that I have within myself.

It’s so amazing to look at myself everyday and be proud of who I am. Too look around at the people in my life and know how blessed I am to have them in my life. I can’t be sad for the people who have left, because they left something better with me. I love reading my journals, and I smile everytime I do. I love looking in people’s eyes and seeing them for the remarkable individual that they are. Despite all the turmoil in the world and in our lives. The earth and this life was created for our enjoyment the different seasons, flowers, sunrises, mountains, sunsets, lakes, rivers, etc. Everyday is a different adventure. I’m grateful for it all. It’s the simple things in life that keep me smiling. The secret to being truly happy is enjoying it all.


Crystal

Letting go!!!!!

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life."

If there is one thing that I try my hardest to avoid in life it is pain. Pain comes in many forms....disappointment.....losing somone you love.....or not living up to your potiential. When we avoid pain we do not give ourself the opporunity to freely feel or enjoy life. Sometimes it's important to let go no matter how hard or difficult it may be. The problem is Life is a continual process of letting go sometimes life may call for us to let go of painful situations or people who no loner nurture or support our life. This is a painful process in which we must take deep care of ourselves and be very patient and compassionate to our inner pain.
In time the pain lessens. As we get caught up in new experiences, we may forget the pain that lies within. Long after the situation ends, we may have memories or remembrances that sadden us and make us question where we are in life. This is all part of the growing process.

We know deep inside that no matter how much we try to imprison the pain that lies inside, because feeling something even pain is better then not feeling anything at all. We know that eventually like an imprisoned bird once we let it go it will fly free just like the joy we will feel when we free our pain. After letting go we get a new perspective in life by taking time to assess where we have gone and the new life we are creating.

You see it's not only about letting go it's about moving forward. If we don't move forward then we in sense push the pause button on our pain. Create new experiences and be thankful for the freedom that letting go gives you. By staying close to the rawness that letting go gives our heart, we are able to access what in life really touches us now. By pursuing what is important to us – we are on our way to creating a fabulous new life.

Times of change can be scary and deeply confusing, but it is a time where we must take stock in what is important to us now. We can change our energy for life by taking on new interests or activities we have always wanted to. We can change our entire perspective by doing just one thing differently. Love life and enjoy the experiences that life can fully bring.

Take time to slow down and find what is calling you from deep within. Notice what is happening around you. Close your eyes and listen to the sounds. Open your eyes and see the details you usually miss because you are too busy. Feel the air on your skin, feel the breath in your lungs. Feel the longings in your heart, notice what you notice. In this space, you notice new things and are touched by the magic of life.

You will be inspired in a new direction that has deeper fulfillment and meaning than the old life you let go. In time, the old life will be a memory you are grateful for, and quite possibly thankful it is over, because a sweeter, happier, and more meaningful existence is likely to have begun. In the past 6 months I have let go of many past experience I have had. Letting go of the pain has been a rewarding and inspiring experience for me. I have grown in ways that I cannot explain. I look forward with an open heart and mind, and am so grateful for the experience I will enjoy. I love you all and thank you for the joy you have brought into my life. God bless!!!

Crystal Anel

Creating a better ME

George Bernard Shaw once said " Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
I've always been comfortable in being invisible. I know that it sounds weird for me to say that, but me explain. I never wanted to out shine anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. When it came to trying out for the team I blew it. I almost think it was on purpose. In high school I tried out for basketball and volleyball, but never made it. When I have had the opportunity to play with others, because of my talent they always assume I played in high school, and even college. The truth is I only participated in track because I didn't have to tryout for it. Even when I was competing with other runners I didn't try very hard. I remember one time at district I was competing for the 300 hurdles. The gun went off and I started to run. I pushed myself harder then I have ever pushed myself when it came to racing. In a brief moment I realized that I was in first place. I didn't want to be in first becuase that meant everyone would be looking at me. For this reason I started to look behind me. I was so distracted by being in first that I couldn't stop looking at the people behind me wondering when they would catch up. Just so you know you don't look behind you when your running (it slows you down). I came to the last hurdle and my trailing leg hit the hurdle. I barely made it across the finish line and I fell. I ended up coming in 3rd. What's interesting is I realize now I didn't want 1st or 2nd I was okay being in the middle.
Despite my efforts to remain invisible I have shined in many aspects in my life, but everytime I have realized it I have back away. Being popular in school was never important to me, being the smartest (desptie what anyone thinks), being on top never interested me. I love to see other people happy and to see other people succeed, but I've never been okay with seeing myself succeed. So what I have done is just settled. I've settled for friendships that weren't friendships, I've allowed people to use me and use my forgiveness, and I've settled in my love life. The truth is when people don't really need you or want you you remain invisible. It's taken me a while but I'm sick of feeling this way. I sick of people using me until they find something better. I'm sick of settling and sacrificing the best part of me so other people can get joy.
I know who I am. I know my potiential. I'm sick of being in the middle so watch out world cause I'm about to shine!!!!

Crystal

Randomness:Post 4

Long time no write I know. I've been busy. The other day I watched "Dirty Dancing" I love that movie. When my brother and I were younger we tried to do the part of the movie where I ran jumped he lifted me in the air......and I would usually end up face down into the ground. My favorite part of the movie is when Baby goes to the first dance where she meets Johnny for the first time. He asks why she is there and she said " I carried a watermelon". I have had a lot of watermelon moments throughout my life. I'm a tomboy. When I was a child I really didn't think their was a difference between a boy or girl...obviously I know there is a difference now. If the boys would catch frogs I would. If the boys would climb a tree I would. I'm sure I was one of those pesky little sisters that my brother and his friends would try to lose, but I held my ground. Anyways back to the "watermelon moments." I've seem to have a lot of them lately, but my first was when I was 12 and had my first boyfriend. I decided to write him a song and then sing it to him on the phone...of those of you who know me....I DON'T sing.....so you can imagine what that went like. It was about two turtles walking on the beach...ha ha the memories. The next watermelon moment was in high school....I liked this guy named TRAVIS. One time we were going to a track meet...I decided I didn't like him anymore. So one of my guy friends stood up on the bus and yelled "CRYSTAL WANTS EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT SHE DOES NOT LIKE TRAVIS ANYMORE." Seriously, embarrassing. I had several "WATERMELON MOMENTS" in college, but I don't feel like sharing those. In the past week I've had two. I work in a psychiatric unit I was heading to my car, and the gate is locked. It told the nurse that I would be willing to walk these paramedics out. I began to walk them out....and YES THEY were hot. I got to the gate and one of the paramedics decided to flirt with me. The code to the gate is pretty long so I was typing it in and he said " Are you trying to give me your digits." I didn't know how to respond,and his comment made me more nervous. My response to him is "Yeah our code is pretty long" How lame is that. My flirtatious skills went out the window after my comment I couldn't get the gate open. Our gate is a pull gate and I kept pushing the gate to open it after several seconds I finally realized what I was doing. They pushed their stretcher out the gate, and I wished them a happy day. At the moment I was wishing them a happy day I tripped and fell to the ground. The paramedics came running over to assist me I jumped up and started laughing. I told them I was okay, but REALLY I was embarrassed. This was last THURSDAY. TODAY I went to the store. I just need to grab a few things. Their was this fireman who was also shopping I went past him and he smiled at me and said Hi. I smiled back and said hi. I couldn't keep my eyes off him, and wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I ran into a candy display. The display was knocked over and all the candy fell from the display. I put the display back up and started to put the candy back in it's spot. The fireman who's name is Jeff helped me, and we shared a few laughs. Let's just say that Jeff now has my number. I'm just mortified of these watermelon moments, but if a hot guy asks for my number who am I to complain.

Signing out,

Crystal Angel

Randomones 3: THE TRUE STORY OF MCDONALDS

My family gets totally out of CONTROL when telling others about what happened at McDonald's ONE time when I was 12 years old. They story grows and grows each time it is told, and it's been over 15 years so I don't know why my family still chooses to tell this story. So, I'm telling it from my perspective(which is the TRUE story). When I was twelve years old My family and I went to McDonald's. We ordered our food, and food for five people was put on one tray (why they did this is beyond me). I wanted to be the one to carry the tray from the counter to where we were sitting which was probably about 50 feet away. As I started to walk the fries started to tip over...which in return started to knock over our drinks...let's just say a domino affect started to occur. I started to panic and did the first thing that came to my mind. I started to run.......why I though running would stop the food from falling off the tray was beyond me. Let's just say that I didn't make it to the table. The food and drinks flew out of my hands all over this lady sitting at the next booth by my family(oops). The lady was very accepting of my apology, and McDonald's replaced my families food. I think this is one of the many reasons I won't eat at McDonald's today.

RANDOMNESS 2

I'm not the most talented person in the world, but I've always pretended to be talented. My family actually has nick-named me ClutZy Crystal!!! In the 8th grade I did cheer leading....hard to believe I know. My freshman year I was pretty motivated to do something so I tried out for everything. The first thing that I decided to tryout for is cheer leading. One of things that we had to do for tryouts is tryout out in front of the whole school. We had two things we had to do for the tryouts: #1 make up our own cheer #2 Make up a dance. The cheer was easy, but dancing is a whole different story. First I don't know how to dance, but I tried. Me trying consisted of me twirling across the gym floor twice and intermingling some of my gymnastics routine into my dance (If anyone has a video recording of this I would really love to see it someday). Let's just say it didn't work out and I didn't make the squad.

After I didn't make the cheer leading squad. I decided to try out for the Drill team (DANCE TEAM). Again, I DON'T know how to dance and I DON'T know why I tried out. To make a long story short in the middle of tryouts I was the one to knock over the can-can line. It's not shocking that I didn't make it, but it still makes me laugh to have witnessed a human domino affect....and I was the human that caused it!!! Later that year I ventured in doing track instead of dancing ........FOR some reason my mom always got nervous watching me run the 100 and 300 hurdles.....I don't know why :D!!!!

RANDOMNESS: POST 1

I'm one of those people who always has a random story to tell. I usually have the whole room laughing with things that have happened in my life. I don't know if it's because I'm unlucky or what. All I know is It's never a dull day in the life of Crystal. The other day at work I was telling my co-worker's a RANDOM story that had happened to me that day. One of my co-workers suggested to me to write stories of things that happen in my life. Instead of writing a book I decided that for the next 10 weeks I will share with you a Random Story from the past or present that has happened in my life. I hope you enjoy!!! I'll start with the a "CRYSTAL CLASSIC".




COLLEGE DAYS: THE WORST DAY EVER !!!!
In college I was always busy I worked full time, took 18+ credits every semester, and tried to have a social life on top of that. One day I had what some would call the worst day ever. My first class started at 8:00 in the morning. Usually I got up at 6:00 am to work out, but this morning I was sick. I had a test in my 8:00 class and for this teacher if you were late for class you couldn't take the test and got a zero. I woke up at 7:40 that morning because I was so ill. I didn't have time to take a shower. So, I jumped out of bed got dressed, and started running to class.

In the midst of running to class I slipped in dog crap and ended up falling right on top of it. I didn't have time to go back to my house and change so I went to class. Of course I arrived and the only seat that was left was next to the hottest guy in my class (just my luck right?). I took my seat and waited for the teacher to hand out the test. Randomly, the cute guy next to me starts smelling around, and whispers to me, "Man, something SMELLS REALLY bad." At that moment I didn't know if it was because I forgot my deodorant or if it was the dog crap that I had fell in. Either way I agreed with him that it was smelly and tried to shift the blame to someone else in the class (I don't think he bought it). Because I was so busy I scheduled my classes one after another and had classes all day until 2:50pm. After my first class I went to the bathroom and tried to clean the dog crap off of my self the best I could. I was looking for a job at that time and had a interview at 3:30

On the way home I was standing by this man and his dog waiting to cross the busy street. His dog started sniffing my shoe and leg, but I wasn't really paying attention because there was a squirrel running around on the ground (for those of you who don't know I'm terrified of squirrels, and I'm sure you'll find out more to those reasons when you read more of these stories). The squirrel ran up the tree with something in his hand when the squirrel reached the first branch he dropped the thing he had in his hand right on my head. I looked down to see what the squirrel had dropped. When I saw the dog that was smelling me lifted up his leg and start peeing on my shoe. The man was so embarrassed and started apologizing. I told the man not to worry because things like that happened to me all the time. I think the dog peed on me because he smelt the dog crap I had slipped in....either way I had dog pee and poop on me at this point.

After I got home I was in a hurry for my interview and didn't have time to take a shower. So, I took my shoes and pants off, and put new one's on (or so I thought). The job I was interviewing for was a county job, and because it was a county job I had to interview with the county commissioners. REMEMBER I'M SICK on this day. I got done with my interview and I started shaking everyone's hand I got to the last person when I felt a sneeze coming on. I couldn't hold it in and sneezed snot all over one of the county commissioners. I apologized and left the interview embarrassed. I got home and four of my roommates were sitting on the couch. One of them looked down and said "Uhh....Crystal...Why do you have two different shoes on?" At that pointed I wanted to cry, but started laughing. My roommates looked at me as if I were crazy, and I said "Your not going to believe the day I had". (Just so you know I did get the job).

Have you had a bad day? Feel free to share it with me!!!

Spiritual Strength

I have had several things happen to me in the past couple months which have left me so hurt I just don't know how to pick up the pieces. I have felt like I'm on an emotional roller coaster that just not stopping. I have never before felt such strong feeligns of hurt, anger, and pain. I'm lucky to have so many supportive people in my life who are trying to help me in the best way they can. Yet, as supportive as they have been no words have been able to stop these feelings I feel inside. I want those people who have been supportive in my life to know that I do feel their love and support. But despite their efforts to make these things better my pain and agony continue.....and leave me more lost than ever.

I have realized that emotional and psycological hurt can linger in the form of bad memories, thoughts, and experiences and if left inside it can create barriers of personal growth and can lead us to doubt our abilities, trust our emotions, and believe in the goodness of the world and people around us. I'm the type of person who wants to see the good in people, and wants to learn from the experiences in my life but I feel this heaviness of hurt and bitterness in my heart and mind. I have felt lately that because I feel these feelings so intensely I have created barriers within myself that have prevented me to move forward. I want to move forward and get past this hurtful situation, but I feel stuck.

I have also realized that we cannot always control the things that happen around us. It's impossible for us to correct the wrong doings or attiudes of others. I try to have a good attiude and have an eternal perspective on the things that happen in my life. Yet, these feelings of hurt, pain, and anger are affecting my ability to cope and understand god's purpose for me. These attitudes and ways of thinking, so deeply embedded in my heart, subconciously hold me back from believing God's promises of peace, comfort and spiritual liberation. I've had so many people tell me how I shoudl turn everything to god, and allow the healing power of the atonement in my life. I just don't know how to let that happen. I feel his love for me every day, but I also feel the advesary present in my life kicking me while I'm down. I'm usally a fighter but I don't have the strength to fight anymore.

I have realized that through no fault of anyone else because of my attiude and feelings I have missed out on many spiritual blessings that god is more than willing and ready to give me. The broken heart is restored through release from the bondage to hurtful memories, a process which includes forgiveness and emotional reconstruction. Yet I'm not ready to forgive the people who have hurt me in my life.....I'm open to forgiveness........just not over the hurt. In the midst of this situation I feel myself slipping further and further away from the spirutal strength I have within me. The spirtual power that I beleive in. It's like my faith in god and good things are broken and I don't have the strength to change it right now. I don't understand why I'm not turning to my Heavenly Father and savior who would be more than willing to carry me through this if I'd just ask. My dear friends and family please pray for me. I know things will get better, and I will be stronger because of it. I love you all!!!

Crystal

Being me is the only thing that matters!!!

The one thing that I have always loved about myself is my ability to be myself no matter what. Many people change to conform to what people expect them to be. Me I change when it will better myself or the situation around me. My mom said that since I was little she knew that I would always be the type of person that would beat to my own drum, and she always encouraged me to do so. She also told me that I was the most stubborn of all of her children, because she could never talk me in to doing something I didn't want to do. I don't necessarily call it stubborn...I just know what I want and work hard to achieve it. You can't talk me into believing something that I don't believe in.... so don't try. You have a right to your opinion....if you want mine I'll give it to you.

I don't expect you to believe what I believe...but I do expect you to respect me as a person. I have a self confidence that comes from knowing who I am and loving what I am. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people change or lives below their potential to meet someones expectations. If you could only see what I see in you......you would realize that being you is what makes you unique and special. Lately my self-confidence has been blinded because of the actions of others. Yet, their is an inner strength within me telling me to hold strong to who I know I am. I've realized the importance of holding on to myself, because if I don't I know that I will lose the every essence that makes me ....me.

I want to thank my mom for loving me the way that I am. For teaching me the importance of knowing myself, and loving myself. I want to thank you for encouraging me not to follow the crowd, and for praising me for developing and using my qualities that would push me through the darkest moments of my life. I know that no matter what happens in my life, no matter who I meet, or where I go that I will always be happy with myself because I know it's more important to be myself then to allow the actions of other's to over consume who I was meant to become. I see and believe in my potential to do great things.

Happiness

In college I came upon this quote and I have never forgotten it.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts so remember what it felt like when you got yours broken. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

I have been so ANGRY lately. Don't get me wrong....I have reasons to feel hurt and Angry. People have betrayed me. Yet this Anger has been consuming me. I'm done being angry...at least for today anyway. Life come's with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. WE must make a choice to live life to the fullest...even during the bad times. People will let us down, but I'll be damned if I'm going to allow people to take seconds of my happiness away from me. Right now I make a choice to move forward...to speak my mind....to take chances....to BE HAPPY.