Monday, October 1, 2012

Where did the Spark go?


Dating?  What can I say I have a love/hate relationship with dating, but since I've been writing about dating I decided that I should follow my own advice.  Last week I was asked out by three different guys, and I didn't really want to go but I did.  I know I'm surprised too (thanks to all my wonderful friends who wouldn't allow me to cancel I really do appreciate it!).  I won't go into detail about all of those dates, but let's just say that there weren't really any sparks!  Plus there were some pretty awkward moments if you get my drift? Since I've been dating more frequently it's really got me thinking about what turns women off?  Looking at my past dating experiences these are some things that really turn me off.  
One of the biggest turn offs for women is a guy who’s insecure about himself. If you’re not confident about yourself or are feeling nervous, trust me, it shows. This is one of the biggest reasons why guys get spurned on a date. Are you happy being who you are? Do you think you make for great company? If you aren’t happy being who you are, what are the odds that the girl you’re with would like your company? Some guys have a great positive aura around themselves and some guys are just plain nervous and scared. If you’re an insecure guy, it’s time to change your behavior. Or lose the girl! Be who you are and be comfortable with who you are becoming! Confidence not arrogance is a big turn on for any women!
Guys I know most of your life you have been taught to be nice and chivalrous.  Somewhere along the line, some guys take the whole game of being chivalrous and experiencing the womanliness inside a man to a whole new level. Drum roll… welcome… the sensitive guy.  Sensitive guys are really nice guys who’ve listened to their mama and have learnt their manners. They’re very much in touch with the feminine side inside them, but they’ve been so rigorously trained on connecting with their feminine side that they’ve crossed the line and have gone way overboard. Watching a mushy movie with a guy and crying on his manly shoulder is a great way for a girl to spend Sunday afternoon, but sharing tissues to wipe each other’s tears? Nope, that’s just not right. Same goes with guys who ask if a girl’s having a nice time a hundred times on a date.  There is
Some guys think they have it all. And at some point, all the attention and the smothering from their parents and buddies make them assume they own the world. They make idiotic statements and love talking about their own glorious deeds or misdeeds. Do you incessantly talk about how well you played a game or how many cars you own?  Well, say what you want, you’re just going to be a cocky pompous prick. Even gold diggers may get bored of you in no time. Learn some humility and you could still get back in a girl’s good books.  By bragging about how much money your making or how intelligent you are can be a huge turn off for a woman. 
Gosh, another big one on the list. Have you ever met a guy who was just too boring? Now I don’t mean nerdy or geeky, those types can be great guys and even better boyfriend materials. I’m talking about boring guys whose company can kill you in no time.  All girls and guys have experienced this at some point in their lives. We’ve all had to sit next to a guy, and his conversations were so boring that you would rather jump off a cliff. To avoid being a guy in this cliché, work your conversation around what your date wants to talk about. If you see her looking around while you’re talking, it’s time to change the conversation. If you see her eyes light up and her gestures getting animated, you’ve hit the conversation jackpot, baby!
Are you a dumb guy? Yeah, of course, you aren’t. But many guys are really dumb without realizing it. Now I’m not talking about being an idiot or the village simpleton. I’m talking about guys who speak their minds on a date, without thinking about how their date would feel. If she’s looking around while you’re talking, and you realize you need to change the topic of conversation, do it discreetly. Don’t ever say, “Oh, you’re getting bored, aren’t you? You can tell me, I won’t mind…” Unless you want your date to claw her nails into the leather of her seat or crawl her toes in awkward cringing desperation, avoid being a dumb guy.
Now we have the mirror cracking good looking boy. Any guy who spends more time in front of the mirror than his own girlfriend is a huge turn off. But we’re not stopping there. If you’re having dinner with your date, and the waiter accidently spills a bit of juice on your silk shirt, wipe it away like a man. Don’t whine about how your silk shirt is ruined and behave like a drama queen. In the world of dating, a narcissistic guy is one who’s overly bothered about his own things like his cell phone, watch, or just about anything else that belongs to him. Boy, you’re with a woman. Let her be the cynosure of your eyes!
Manner, manners. Girls like a guy who knows his manners. Now every guy should know his manners *though he should never push it and become the sensitive guy*. But that’s not it at all. There’s something even bigger. You should be man enough to apologize or accept that you’re wrong. No guy’s a bigger sore loser or a turn off than a guy who just can’t accept his fault, but would rather throw tantrums and make a fuss and pout like a four year old. Learn to man up and remember, accepting that you’ve made a mistake is not a sign of weakness.
Don't get me wrong I love meeting people and getting to know them, and am grateful for the dating experiences.  There are many good guys out there that make wonderful dates!  It's just been a long couple of weeks of bad experiences!
 
Crystal Angel  
 

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