Who defines our happiness?

 

Happiness is something that everyone wants and desires to have.  Happiness is different for everyone.  I have heard time and time again from my single friends "When I get into a relationship or get married then I will be happy."  Many of these single friends who have made this comment once they get into a relationship or get married still feel unhappy.  The real question should be does being single make us unhappy or is it not knowing who we are?  Who defines our happiness?  For those of you who struggle in being single and finding happiness in your life I have some words of wisdom today!

Being single is not anything to be ashamed about in our age! We live in a time when most relationships break up and there is no guarantee that even the best ones will last.  In the meantime, there is much to enjoy in life, and singleness has a great many benefits that those couples you envy would give an arm or a leg for!!  I'm not saying avoid relationships and stay single.  Today I want to talk about different ways to find joy in your single life.

1st: Take charge of your reality and give up all that envy! 

I'll admit that sometimes I get a little envious when I get the wedding or baby announcement in the mail!!! I say stop worrying about everyone else around you getting into relationships, getting married, or having babies believing that you need those things as well.  All those happy couples in movies and television shows are the fabrications of Hollywood writers.  Real couples have messy lives; they fight, leave the bathroom dirty, have financial struggles, and fight over the remote control.  Give up your unrealistic fantasies of your soul mate and how most people around you are just regular folk--good people, but not magical heroes who fix each other’s lives.

2nd: Be better

Focus on becoming the best person you can be.  Take classes, workout, grow a garden, do volunteer work, go to therapy, do whatever your heart desires.  Remember that everything you do should be for you! High self-confidence will attract more friends and maybe in the long run even a little romance.  One of the most amazing feelings ever is looking yourself in the mirror every morning and being proud of the person that you are becoming.  As I strive to be better I learn to love myself more and more.  Concentrate on yourself and figure out what you like and don't like.  Make plans with friends that you haven't seen in a while.  Take a nice hot bath, read a book, walk the dog, or watch your favorite TV show.  Take time for yourself and don't sweat finding someone.  Finding love will be easier as you get to know yourself and love yourself. 

3rd:  Indulge yourself

Go out and get your nails done, have a spa day, or get a massage.  Just because you don't have someone to impress or please doesn’t mean you stop leasing yourself.  Remember you are a strong, independent person who deserves the best.  So give it to yourself and don't feel guilty.  I can't tell you how many of my married friends can no longer afford doing some of the things that I enjoy doing like getting my hair and nails done.  We might as well enjoy it while we can right? 

4th: Play the field

Go out and have fun.  Go out to clubs with your friends.  Dance and flirt with others if you like.  Don't be afraid to give or take phone numbers, just realize that nothing may come of it.  I was laughing with a friend the other day about how many times I have refused to give my phone number out.  I kick myself now.  Take a risk who knows the guy at the grocery store throwing you those corny lines might actually be a really nice guy... (But seriously who asks for a girl’s number in the grocery store?).  Let people set you up, or try online dating.  Make yourself available to have fun and meet people!

5th:  Take up a new hobby

Learn guitar, join tap class, grow a garden, write a novel, and cook some gourmet meals!  Do whatever you have ever wanted to do, and do it now.  Trying something new can lead to new skills, friendships, and a higher self-esteem. 

6th:  Positive affirmations are important

Look in the mirror and say things that you like about yourself.  Repeat phrases to yourself such as "I'm strong and beautiful." and tell your reflection that you love you.  You need to know that you cannot expect others to make you happy.  You are the only person who can make you happy in the end.

7th: Be an optimist

I've always been a half glass full kind of person. Being optimistic helps you whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed.  One of the things that I do every day is keep a gratitude diary and every night think of five things I am grateful for.  I love finding the silver lining in everything throughout my day, and savoring the little pleasures.  I love this quote that says "happiness is not just a package that we can open up and consume.  True happiness comes by recognize the elements of happiness and enjoying them as they last."

Happiness is a life time goal and desire.  Happiness is not a destination but a journey.  Enjoy the journey!! 

 

Love,

Crystal