Is it really worth it?

Today I find myself a wreck. Love wasn’t suppose to hurt this much. I trusted my heart, and in the end it failed me. Over the past 10 months I have tried to put myself back together again. I find myself wrapped up in these memories I am trying to forget. People ask Why it is hard for me to trust, and it comes back to hurt and heartbreak. When I think of loving someone again………….I am surrounded by question and caution. Is love possible? Is it worth it? I’m just not sure. The last 10 months have been a roller coaster of anger………hurt………regret…………..and then common sense. I was the stupid girl who put myself in a relationship that was ultimately draining…………….and emotionally unstable. I’m sorry for everyone that I have hurt recently(especially an amazing bachelor that will remain nameless) . Right now I’m just debating whether or not love is worth fighting for. No, I’m not giving up on love…… ….. it’s just one of those days. Talk to ya all later.

Best Aunt Ever

When I was little I always wanted to play in the dirt and the grown up’s around me always told me no. So the other day Gavin and I had a bright idea….to build a sandcastle ….so that’s what we did When Quention and Caroline came over they were told by mommy and daddy that they could not play. But wait until aunt crystal gets to babysit….I say, “play dirty all you want”. It was fun to play in the dirt, and the kids had a great time.

The wonder’s of life

So, I am getting ready for my big move to Boise. My last day of work is on Thursday and I start my new job on Monday the 20th of April. My mom’s helping move over on Friday……we will probably drop my stuff off and then come back on the same day. My dear friend Heather is coming from California on Saturday and so I will officially move into my apartment on Sunday. I visited with my professor for my graduate program today, and the odds are that I am going to be really busy come this next fall. The summer shouldn’t be difficult because my classes are at night. It’s the fall that will kill me. I will be taking 15 credits and doing a 20 hour practicum and working of course if possible a 40 hour work week. I’ve calculated the totals and I will have to work, go to school, and do my practicum for 13-14 hours a day Monday through Friday and work Saturday too. I know that I am crazy, but that’s my life……crazy busy. I did it once before and I’m sure that I can do it again. You know what’s even crazier is I’m not freaked out…..I’m waiting for my second guessing myself……..and a panic attack of some sort that hasn’t happened yet. I start classes on the week of June 22. I think the thing I am going to miss most is my family. I have been staying with my parents for the past 6 months and it has been a great opportunity for me to get to know them better. I have also grown overly attached to my nieces and nephews. I don’t know what Izzy will do without her mommy. My niece Izzy calls me mom or mommy(my sister finds it ultimately annoying……and I do too……..I mean is “Crystal” really too hard to say????). I have been trying to get her to understand that I am her favorite aunt Crystal…….and she’ll say my name……..but when she wants me she still calls me mom. Then I follow up by not mom…..Crystal. My mom tells me it’s because she trusts me so much. It will be so sad not to see her as much as I do now…..I just hope she doesn’t feel that I abandoned her. I’m excited for my move though and a great educational opportunity. Oh and update on Jonah’s eye. For those of you I didn’t tell Jonah had an accident a couple of weeks ago at my brother-in-laws brothers house and needed an emergency surgery on his eye. The doctors thought that he would be totally blind or if he could see it would be minimal he got 35 stitches in his right eye. The doctors were also speculating on a second surgery. He met with the doctor today and there is good news he doesn’t need a second surgery and he can see out of his right eye. The doctor doesn’t know how much he can see, and he will need to be put under anesthesia to determine his vision in his right eye(only because he will scream and move when the doctor tries to look at his eye). His right eye also has a bit of deformity to the Iris, but above all he is doing great. He is such a fighter, and has adapted exceptionally well through this crisis. I want to thank you all personally for your prayers for him. Well, I will let you go and keep ya all informed on what happens next.

Decisions Decisions Decisions

I just celebrated my 28 th birthday......and you would think that by the age of 28 you would be able to make decisions easily. Well........as you all well know I am never good at making decisions. I change my mind all the time......I over analyze things.............and unless I have a BIG SIGN.........I usually delay decisions until the last minute. Well I have finally decided on a school .......drum roll please.........I will be attending Boise State University starting this summer. That means yet again I will be moving to BOISE. I've received a lot of grief for my many moves over the years....but that is due to my indecisiveness and over analyzing. I feel complete peace for this decision and I look forward to this wonderful opportunity. I'm so excited to be rooming with my dear friend Mandy. I'm excited to visit with all my old friends and to make new ones to. The other bright side to this decision is I will be gaining even more opinions then I already have.......world watch out. I've received two job offers and have committed to both........I know...... don't judge me........it's just that I'm not sure what I want to do. So I have a decision that I need to make in the next few weeks. Sorry this is so short but I have to run. I hope all is well and I'll keep ya posted on what happens next.