Not just going to settle!

Sorry, I haven't posted for a while. I've been crazy busy, and sick for the past couple of weeks.  I hope all is well.  I recently had someone tell me that I just need to put myself out there, and find someone to be with even if that means settling.  I love my life and enjoy fully each stage of my life I get to experience.  Even though I am not at the place in my life I dream to be at doesn't mean that I would sacrifice my happiness to fulfill my yearning for finding my prince charming and having a family.

 

How many times have you heard things similar to this: you’re too picky, you’re shooting too high, or you should just go out with him and see what happens?  I can't tell you how many times that I have heard these things before.  I remember one time this guy really wanted me to go out with him.  I already knew that I wasn't attracted to him or had things compatible with him.  I kept telling him no and one day after turning him down for the 50th time he turned to me and said "Crystal, you’re going to be just like my aunt. You'll have fifty cats and throw them birthday parties, because no guy will ever be good enough for you."  I just looked at him and said "I would rather have 50 cats then be with someone who I'm not happy with."  My response left him stunned.

 

My uncle a few years later said: "Crystal, your standards are too high, and most men in comparable are not up to your standards.  One day you'll get sick of waiting and settle for someone way beneath your standards just to get married."  I looked at him and said "I will just never get married then, because I would rather be happy than miserable." 

 

My standards are too high?  HAHA! Have you seen the guys I've dated?   I'm just asking for some guy who shares my values, who is driven, who is kind, who has a good sense of humor, and has some education or drive to be successful in his life.  The only reason why I ask for these things is because these things are important to me.  I have seen too many of my friends in relationships or marriages that they are not happy with, and who stay in these relationships even though they are miserable and depressed.  I just choose to find someone who I can enjoy my life with.  I don't have commitment issues, I'm not too good for someone, but I do want to be happy in my life.  If I have to wait another 30 years I won't settle just because I'm lonely or getting older.  I truly believe there is someone out there for all of us.  Apparently, mine is just wandering deep into the forest and I haven't traveled long enough to find him.  Once I do find him I'm sure we will bring each other happiness and joy!!!  No need to settle I'll continue to enjoy the journey!  

 

 

Sincerely,

 

Crystal  

Do and Don'ts of dating

It's not always easy to find someone who is right for you, but your dry spell could be more than just bad luck. If you've been circling the waters for some time with nothing to show for your search, here are some reasons you might be coming op short. Here are some DON"t and Do tips that I have learned over my years of dating or seeing other of my friends dating that might get you over a dry spell and on to meeting Mr. Right.

1) You may be too needy

Acting too serious too soon can scare some guys off. I have seen many of my friends do this. Even if you think you've made a connection and you really like someone you've been seeing, don't act too clingy after just a few dates. Give your new guy some breathing room so he doesn't go running scared before date number four. Also when you date someone make sure it's a date. I can't tell you how many time's I've had to wipe my friends tears away because they have mistaken "hanging out" as dating.

2) You may be too picky (aka...I've been told this before).

Sure, standards are good. You can't go dating every unemployed loser that comes knocking, but just because he doesn't make six figures and have abs of steel doesn't mean you shouldn't give him a chance. If your not finding Mr. Right, you may need to readjust your idea of who Mr. Right really is.

You may ask how to readjust? First, date outside your comfort zone. Say yes to guys who you aren't normally attracted to just to see what happens. In my 6.5 year relationship I can honestly say that I wasn't initially attracted to him. It's not that he wasn't good looking, but just not my typically guy I would date. Over the time we dated I grew more and more attracted to him. Second, Allow for others to set you up (I hate this with a passion) however it has given me the opportunity to meet some amazing guys. You can also ask your friends to set you up or introduce you to nice, single guys they may know. You may not make a love connection, but you will meet men you might not usually go for. Lastly, rethink your must-have traits. Maybe your view of Mr. Right is too narrow. Does he have to be a doctor with blonde hair?" By broadening your scope of what boyfriend material means may help in finding happiness in area's you wouldn't have thought.

3) You don't go out enough.

In order to meet guys, you have to leave the house. This means trying new classes at the gym, going to parties with friends, volunteering and even signing up for local sports team as a way to meet people with similar interests -- Ideally cute ones, with nice eyes and killer smile. I have recently started broadening my horizon by joining a Boise Active Singles group. I have attended events and found it most enjoyable. Find local activities in your area that could help in meeting new people.

My friend also told me that I should adopt the "just say Yes" policy for one month. Because What I have found is I say "NO" too often. During the month say yes to everyone--friends who want to go dancing, the guy from your gym, your sister who wants to go on a last-minute weekend road trip. Do things to get out more. You never know what will happen when you say YES!

4) Your not confident

If you don't project confidence when in the presence of men you might be interested in, you can probably write off a love connection. Getting asked out or asking someone out and getting a yes requires a certain level of confidence. When you don't feel confident people can tell. Just because you don't feel confident doesn't mean you can't ack like you are. My motto: "fake it till you make it".

Different ways to appear more confident is first, smile more and make eye contact. I have found that when people look down frequently it makes them look nervous. Ask questions. When I get around guys I like or am attracted too I forget to do this . Asking thoughtful questions about his life will take the pressure off of you to come up with entertaining anecdotes and give you more time to collect your thoughts. Lastly, relax and dont' fidget. I can't tell you how many times I have come off less confident due to being so fidgety. Constantly playing with your hair, clothes or drink is a dead giveaway you are nervous. Sometimes I have to pretend I'm talking to a good friend.

These are just some signs and ways we can build confidence and meet new people. It's hard to take risks, but as you put yourself out there it gives more opportunity to increase enjoyment and satisfaction in dating.

　

Crystal Angel.