Is it really worth it?

Today I find myself a wreck. Love wasn’t suppose to hurt this much. I trusted my heart, and in the end it failed me. Over the past 10 months I have tried to put myself back together again. I find myself wrapped up in these memories I am trying to forget. People ask Why it is hard for me to trust, and it comes back to hurt and heartbreak. When I think of loving someone again………….I am surrounded by question and caution. Is love possible? Is it worth it? I’m just not sure. The last 10 months have been a roller coaster of anger………hurt………regret…………..and then common sense. I was the stupid girl who put myself in a relationship that was ultimately draining…………….and emotionally unstable. I’m sorry for everyone that I have hurt recently(especially an amazing bachelor that will remain nameless) . Right now I’m just debating whether or not love is worth fighting for. No, I’m not giving up on love…… ….. it’s just one of those days. Talk to ya all later.

Best Aunt Ever

When I was little I always wanted to play in the dirt and the grown up’s around me always told me no. So the other day Gavin and I had a bright idea….to build a sandcastle ….so that’s what we did When Quention and Caroline came over they were told by mommy and daddy that they could not play. But wait until aunt crystal gets to babysit….I say, “play dirty all you want”. It was fun to play in the dirt, and the kids had a great time.

The wonder’s of life

So, I am getting ready for my big move to Boise. My last day of work is on Thursday and I start my new job on Monday the 20th of April. My mom’s helping move over on Friday……we will probably drop my stuff off and then come back on the same day. My dear friend Heather is coming from California on Saturday and so I will officially move into my apartment on Sunday. I visited with my professor for my graduate program today, and the odds are that I am going to be really busy come this next fall. The summer shouldn’t be difficult because my classes are at night. It’s the fall that will kill me. I will be taking 15 credits and doing a 20 hour practicum and working of course if possible a 40 hour work week. I’ve calculated the totals and I will have to work, go to school, and do my practicum for 13-14 hours a day Monday through Friday and work Saturday too. I know that I am crazy, but that’s my life……crazy busy. I did it once before and I’m sure that I can do it again. You know what’s even crazier is I’m not freaked out…..I’m waiting for my second guessing myself……..and a panic attack of some sort that hasn’t happened yet. I start classes on the week of June 22. I think the thing I am going to miss most is my family. I have been staying with my parents for the past 6 months and it has been a great opportunity for me to get to know them better. I have also grown overly attached to my nieces and nephews. I don’t know what Izzy will do without her mommy. My niece Izzy calls me mom or mommy(my sister finds it ultimately annoying……and I do too……..I mean is “Crystal” really too hard to say????). I have been trying to get her to understand that I am her favorite aunt Crystal…….and she’ll say my name……..but when she wants me she still calls me mom. Then I follow up by not mom…..Crystal. My mom tells me it’s because she trusts me so much. It will be so sad not to see her as much as I do now…..I just hope she doesn’t feel that I abandoned her. I’m excited for my move though and a great educational opportunity. Oh and update on Jonah’s eye. For those of you I didn’t tell Jonah had an accident a couple of weeks ago at my brother-in-laws brothers house and needed an emergency surgery on his eye. The doctors thought that he would be totally blind or if he could see it would be minimal he got 35 stitches in his right eye. The doctors were also speculating on a second surgery. He met with the doctor today and there is good news he doesn’t need a second surgery and he can see out of his right eye. The doctor doesn’t know how much he can see, and he will need to be put under anesthesia to determine his vision in his right eye(only because he will scream and move when the doctor tries to look at his eye). His right eye also has a bit of deformity to the Iris, but above all he is doing great. He is such a fighter, and has adapted exceptionally well through this crisis. I want to thank you all personally for your prayers for him. Well, I will let you go and keep ya all informed on what happens next.

Decisions Decisions Decisions

I just celebrated my 28 th birthday......and you would think that by the age of 28 you would be able to make decisions easily. Well........as you all well know I am never good at making decisions. I change my mind all the time......I over analyze things.............and unless I have a BIG SIGN.........I usually delay decisions until the last minute. Well I have finally decided on a school .......drum roll please.........I will be attending Boise State University starting this summer. That means yet again I will be moving to BOISE. I've received a lot of grief for my many moves over the years....but that is due to my indecisiveness and over analyzing. I feel complete peace for this decision and I look forward to this wonderful opportunity. I'm so excited to be rooming with my dear friend Mandy. I'm excited to visit with all my old friends and to make new ones to. The other bright side to this decision is I will be gaining even more opinions then I already have.......world watch out. I've received two job offers and have committed to both........I know...... don't judge me........it's just that I'm not sure what I want to do. So I have a decision that I need to make in the next few weeks. Sorry this is so short but I have to run. I hope all is well and I'll keep ya posted on what happens next.

Out with the Old in with the NEW!!!!

So, I got sick of my old grandma car and traded it in for a 2007 Pontiac Torrent(SILVER). I only laugh because I really didn't need a new car....this was a total selfish buy.....but I figure I'm stimulating the economy....right? I will also be attending grad school in June.....and Seriously a poor college students cannot afford non grandma cars......Which is great.....because I got a really good deal which is my second excuse for my buy.

I mean come on with this black interior who wouldn't want it.... not to mention .....

The great trunk space

And these gadgets on the steering wheel that I haven't figured out how to use yet. I only accept positive comments on this post....because I'm really excited......and no matter what anyone says I'm not a shopaholic. Hope all is well and I'll chat with ya later.

Playin in the snow

Ever since I was little one of our family traditions is sledding. My dad and I took Isabelle and Jonah sledding for the first time a couple of weeks ago. It was so fun sledding with these little guys and they looked so cute bundled up in their 10 layers of clothes. I think they looked like little marshmallows. Jonah did not have fun going down his first time, but when they rode with me they were fine. Isabelle did not like the cold snow and felt better just walking around ignoring us when we asked if she wanted to go down the hill. I think she actually ran from us a couple of times. Gavin was the perfect big brother showing his brother and sister how to sled like a pro. He is such a great kid, and his love of being a big brother radiates to his brother and sister. The next weekend we took them sledding again and Isabelle couldn’t get enough. I have posted a few pictures of our adventure, and I truly think that the kids look adorable. Jonah is a little chunk and now weighs a whopping 33 pounds and Isabelle now weighs 24. I love being a part of their lives and feel so blessed to be their favorite aunt. When I am around my nieces and nephews it reminds me how special life truly is. All I can say is I cherish every moment I am with them.

COULD THERE BE AN END TO THIS NIGHTMARE?

These past couple of years have been a nightmare for me. I have been poked and prodded so much I feel like a lab rat. I was first diagnosis with Interstitial cystitis and I had to have a cystoscopic examination. With this examination the doctor used an instrument to see inside the bladder and urethra. When they did this test they found that I had a microscopic cysts in my bladder that I had to get removed. The cyst was biopsied and came back benign. The doctor put me on a series of medication that made me so sick and dropped my iron levels so he took me off. After about three months and more test later he determined that I didn’t have Interstitial cystitis. So it was back to the drawing board. After this procedure I began to have more problems along with severe discharge and more pain then I could ever imagine. They referred me to another doctor. After much more testing they determined that I had a bacteria infection, but to make things even more interesting it was an unidentifiable bacterium. That means that when they looked under the microscope an they couldn’t see any bacteria, but when it was tested for bacteria it came back positive. So, more medications for me and my body does not like medication. While at this doctor visit the doctor wanted to rule out some of symptoms I was experiencing. So, she put me in a study for Irritable bowel syndrome where again I was poked and prodded for 6 months. During this study I had to have a colonoscopy procedure done. Where they found a palup which was removed and biopsied and came back benign. The pain never went away, and only intensified during the study. Due to my pain the doctor had me go through the tests for my gallbladder function which meant an ultrasound and hyda scan needed to be done (did I mention I already had the ultrasound done prior and there was nothing wrong with my gallbladder). My doctor was bound and determined that the pain I was experiencing had to be my gallbladder and we were planning a surgery for January. After agreeing to the ultrasound and hyda scan they determined that there was nothing wrong with my gallbladder… go figure. Well, after all these procedures I was so frustrated and felt like giving up. A month ago I met with my doctor for a consultation, and told him that I would just live with the pain. He talked me in to doing two more tests a gluten test and a gastro test of my stool. Well, of course the gluten test came back negative. I have kept a diary of my food intake for the past month. The stool test has been done and the results have come in. For now I will continue to be treated for my IBS and my doctor says the pain I have been experiencing may come from my Lactose Intolerance. I have never linked milk products to my pain before, but the throwing up after eating some milk products explains a lot. I haven’t met with my doctor on what my next steps will be in treating my lactose intolerance, but finally I may have an answer..... but who know's I have kinda lost faith in the medical field. Test are still in the works for my bacteria infection, but I am definitely on my way to getting answers. Thanks to my family and friends for all your support through this whole process. I’ll keep ya posted on what happens next.