Happiness

In college I came upon this quote and I have never forgotten it.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts so remember what it felt like when you got yours broken. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

I have been so ANGRY lately. Don't get me wrong....I have reasons to feel hurt and Angry. People have betrayed me. Yet this Anger has been consuming me. I'm done being angry...at least for today anyway. Life come's with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. WE must make a choice to live life to the fullest...even during the bad times. People will let us down, but I'll be damned if I'm going to allow people to take seconds of my happiness away from me. Right now I make a choice to move forward...to speak my mind....to take chances....to BE HAPPY.

Hurt; How to forgive

"There he hung, his body broken and bleeding, still taunted by his enemies; and it was in the midst of all this that Jesus [pled] perhaps quietly, with deep reverence, ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34.)” I don't understand how he did it. I marvel at the love and forgiveness that Jesus has for each and everyone of us. But still I wonder how could He forgive His tormenters at that moment? With all that pain, with blood having fallen from every pore, he did it. He forgave them.

Recently and a few other times throughout my life I have been hurt by the action of another. Usually, I am quick to forgive becuase I to fall short of being or doing good all the time. But for some people who intentionally hurt us...who's actions are not pure...who's actions are completely unholy....how do we find it in our heart to forgive them?

All I feel lately is pain, regret, and anger. I hate feeling this way. I know it's not right. I try to smile and push these feelings deep down so I don't feel this way, and they keep surfacing.....and then I find myself crying uncontrollably(usually in the privacy of my car or my room). It's amazing how the choices we make may inadvertnetly hurt someone. Unfortuantely this time it was someone elses choice who hurt me. Everyday I pray that I might forgive this person, that my burden might be lifted...taht I might find it it my heart to forgive, but for some reason I cannot forgive. BELIEVE ME I really want to. It just hurts. I'm so grateful for a loving family and wonderful friends who have supported me through this difficult time.

I am so grateful for the love that I have felt from my heavenly father and a loving savior. I just want this pain to end. I want to feel free from this burden that was created from no fault of my own. I know the pain will eventually fade away but I feel a scar will always be here. I also know that I will grow stronger from this experience. For now I am open to forgiveness, but I have not completely forgiven this person. I hope one day that this person can stand before me and explain to me why they did what they did. When this happens I hope that they feel enough remorse for their actions, and that I will be able to say "I forgive you" and mean it. For now I guess it's normal feel hurt, pain, and anger. But know ABOVE ALL I feel the enduring love and peace from all of those who have been placed in my life to help me during this difficult trial.

Letter 12: Person I don’t talk to as much

My dearest friend from high school Angela,

I miss you so much. It’s amazing to me how time just flies by. It was just yesterday we spent every day with each other. Some of my best memories are with you. I won’t share all of our secrets but I will share my favorite memory with you. It was the time we decided to go toilet paper Chris’s house at 3:30 in the morning. We didn’t have transportation by car so we packed up your backpack with Toilet paper jumped on our bikes and rode to sugar. We got there about 4:30 in the morning and started to do our business only to get busted by Chris’s dad. We ran away and you twisted your ankle. We didn’t feel like biking back to your house, and we knew Greg and his parents were gone so we spent the night in his garage in the back of his truck. We had many great adventures didn’t we? Your friendship has meant the world to me, and has been a guiding light in my life. I have laughed with you, cried with you, argued with you, but above all I grew with you. You are now grown women, and we have gone our separate ways, but I have never and will never forget your love and friendship. It’s been such a pleasure to watch your family grow, and to see the amazing Mother and woman that you have become. I just want you to know that I love you and miss our talks.

Your long time and forever friend,

Crystal

Letter 11: DREAMS

I have always been one to dream. Ever since I was little I have always had dreams. I remember when I was five I wanted to be the president. Then when I was seven after seeing the Olympics for the first time I wanted to be a professional gymnast. When I hit age 13 we had a class in Junior high where we had to pick a profession we wanted to do when we “GREW up”, research it, and write a report about the one we choose. I wanted to be a pediatric nurse, and when I hit college I thought that I wanted to impact people’s lives by being a teacher. My professional dream changed when I took my first social work class and I knew that this was the profession for me. At that moment I realized that my dreams no matter how big or insignificant could change…And no matter what I decided to do my dreams were possible to achieve. The other amazing thing about my dreams is I knew that whatever I decided to do I would have support through my family and friends. I still have dreams today one of my biggest dreams is to be a wife and a mother. I also dream that I might be able to be an influence for good in people’s lives. I once heard this quote that said “when you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling live your life so that when you die everyone you know is crying and you’re the one that’s smiling.” No matter what age we are…no matter what our circumstances…my advice is to keep dreaming. This is what keeps us motivated and this is what helps us leave footprints in each other’s lives. Thank you all for sharing your dreams with me, and for allowing me to see when your dreams come true. This has been the greatest reward in my life.

Crystal

Letter 10: To my best Friend

I’ve had a lot of good friends in the past. At this time in my life I would like to write to my friend Miranda.


MANDY,

My dearest friend I just want you to know how thankful I am that I have you in my life. Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful that Heavenly father let us meet and become friends. I remember the first day that we met, and the conversation that we had. TABLE ROCK will always be one of my favorite places now because of you. It’s like we were meant to be in each other’s lives. It’s like GOD knew that we needed each other, and he was right. There have only been a few people that I have been able to click with the way that we click with each other. The best thing about our friendship for me is sometimes I just have to look at you and say nothing and you know what I’m thinking. I once heard this quote that said “A best friend is someone you can sit on a porch swing with, say nothing, and walk away feeling like that has been the best conversation you’ve ever had.” I feel that way with you. I’ve had many friends that I have met along the way, but of all the friends I have had I would have to say that your one of the best.
We all need someone who will take our side no matter what, and you have always done that. You have never judged me, and have ALWAYS been a guiding light leading me off the bumpy roads that I have gotten myself on. You have wiped away tears, laughed with me (LAUGHED A LOT WITH ME), been angry with me, and LOVED me unconditionally. I’ve never been able to share so much with someone the way that I share with you. YOU’RE a trusting person, and I am so grateful that you are able to keep my secrets. You’ve allowed me to make mistakes, and hugged me when things have gone wrong. You have never condemned me for doing wrong…you’ve never said “I told you so.” Yet, you did not hesitate to stand by me and helped me through the most difficult times in my life. Not everyone will do that, but you always have. You’re such a loyal FRIEND!!!
I know that your friendship is a blessing to me…a miracle to me….and has been a strength to me. I know because you are in my life I will be just fine. I know that I am a better person just for knowing you. I know that I have a person who will accept me for who I am and who cares and loves me no matter what. Thank you for helping me to recognize my faults, and for teaching me to better myself. Your example of Christ-like love is endearing. I am SO THANKFUL, for your friendship and want you to know how grateful I am for you in my life. If I don’t say it enough I LOVE YOU!!! I’m excited to continue down the journey of friendship with you!!
Your sister from another mother,
Crystal

Letter 9: A letter to someone who is deceased

Dear Grandma,
I remember sitting by you the first time we had to put you into the hospital. You looked at me with your big blue eyes and said “Crystal, I don’t understand why all these people are here. No one is going to care when I die. Is that what they are waiting for me to do is die.” Your eyes filled with tears and you turned away from me and wept. I remember placing your head in my hands and I told you “I care grandma…..I don’t want you to die…………..I can’t IMAGINE my life without you.” At that point you stopped crying looked in my eyes and said “I’m afraid everyone will forget me.” It has been 4 years since you past away, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t reach for my phone to call you only to realize that you can’t be reached. I still don’t have the heart to delete your number from my phone. There is not a birthday that goes by that I don’t wait for your birthday card for me to arrive in the mail. As the days and years have passed away my life without you has not been the same. There is a framed picture that resides by my bed stand of just us two. It’s a picture that someone took of us and we didn’t realize it. You are whispering something in my ear….just like you always did when there was a crowd around. What’s funny is I remember what you whispered to me that day. I giggle every time I see that picture. What’s weird though is that picture gives me the strength to go on without you. It’s as though you’re whispering to me NOW…saying “Crystal, I’m proud of you….or Crystal I know you can do it.” You were the best grandma in the world, and I was so lucky that I had you in my life. I know that you would kill me if you knew this, but I talk about you to everyone. I am just so grateful to have known such a wonderful person. I don’t ever want to forget you, and I want other people to know of your goodness, love, and compassion. You have always been a hero in my eyes. Your strength and wisdom have touched so many people. The best thing of all though is that your legacy lives on. I see so much of you in your children, in your children’s children, and in me. I know that you are with Grandpa Andy now, and I look forward to the day when I am reunited with you. I know that you are with me now, because I feel your presence with me on a daily basis. Your life lives on through the countless memories I have of you. I miss and Love you so much!!! Just so you know …..I still care…. I still miss you….. And I will never forget you.
With all my heart,
Crystal

Letter 8: Someone that I have hurt

To whoever I have hurt,

I’ve probably hurt many people in my life. I can’t think of one particular instance, but I know that I have done it because I’m not perfect. I hope that whoever you are that you forgive me. At times my words can be harsh, and I have tried to monitor what I say, but as those close to me have learned sometimes words just slip out of my mouth. I know that words are very powerful …..more so than anything else. So if there is something I have said or done to hurt you I’m sorry. I’m not a vindictive or hateful person, and I really try not to hurt people. It makes me so sick when I know that I have hurt someone. I’m so grateful for forgiveness, and for the people who have forgiven me in my life. I know what it is like to be hurt by someone, and I hate causing pain to other people. So with all my heart I am so sorry, and I really do love you. I hope that you can forgive me if I have ever doen anything to hurt you.

Crystal