Crystal's life

Time

2011-11-26T21:26:00.000-08:00

One of my faviorite songs of all times is I hope you dance. One of the best phrases in that song is: " Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone." Ask yourself this question are you taking life for granted?

I had a therapy session with new client the other day and his words got me thinking. He has grown old, and has lived a good life. In his session after telling me a little bit about himself he said "I've always been a strong man. Physically I could do a lot. I've raised a wonderful family. I have a wife who loves me. As I have lived my life I grew old. I'm not as physically strong as I use to be. My mind doesn't work like it use to. I use to look at the people who were older, and never thought that I would be them....now I'm them. Life moves too fast. What scares me most is I have never wasted any time, and enjoyed my life. Now I can't remember many of the memories that I've created. " We had a great session, and at the end of our session he looked at me and said "If I could leave you with something it would be this laugh a lot, count your blessings, take chances, love like you have never been loved, and NEVER take one day for granted."

Everyday I meet many wonderful people who 50 years ago were living the life that I'm living right now. Their stories are powerful, their wisdom is magnificant, and yet many of them are forgotten. One day we are here, and the next day the stories of our lives are ended. Some of our legacies live on, but how many of you remember your great, great, great grandparents? One of the great things about my mother's family is they have gathered an extensive family history. It's so amazing to learn about my grandparents and their families. Their stories have brought me faith, and have given me guidance through difficult times in my life. I'm learning more about my dad's side, and it's amazing getting to know who I am and my families legacy. Even though these people have passed on their stories make me apart of their life and my love for them grows stronger. I encourage all of you to get to know your family.

I can't believe how fast time flies by!!! Many memories stay fresh in my mind: The first day of kindergarten, my first best friend, my first date, my first kiss, graduating high school, my first day of college, graduating from college, my first job, etc.... the list could go on and on. My faviorite memories are not my first though they are the one's that happen everyday like conversations and interactions with my friends and family, sunrises and sunsets, meeting people, laughing, crying, and never taking one single breath for granted. I'm so grateful for my life, my family, my friends, and my experiences. I hope that I in 50 years can look at a person who is me now and say "I have lived a good life, and I never took it for granted."

Crystal Angel

The words we use

2011-11-07T19:39:00.001-08:00

Words are powerful. We use them everyday. We use them to explain things. We use them to seek understanding. We use them to comfort a loved one. We use them to express feelings and the desires of our heart. Yet, the words we use can be destructive, hurtful, and hateful. The other day I called my niece Kristin. In her quivering shaking voice she shared with me that she was being bulled at school. She told me that she tried to be strong, and not allow the other children’s words to bother her but she told me that the words they said to hurt her. In the midst of her pain she told the children who were bulling her that she didn’t want to live anymore, because they wouldn’t stop teasing her. To hear how much my niece was hurting……. made me angry and disgusted.
Let me tell you a little about my niece. She is amazing. She can light up a room just by being in it. She is funny, helpful, talented, and brilliant. Sometimes I sit in totally awe that god sent me this wonderful person to be part of my life. We had a good conversation about why people say the things they say, and we talked about hurt feelings. We also talked about things that make us happy, and things to look forward to. We shared laughs, dreams, and loving words. Kristin told me she felt better(and to tell you the truth I felt better too), and we ended our conversation with three words “I LOVE YOU.”
The powerful effects of the words we use can be described either in psychological or spiritual terms. On a psychological level, every single word we speak and every single word we hear goes into our subconscious mind and creates some small or large effect there. How these words affect our psyches and attitudes are inevitable going to have a powerful effect on how we experience, interpret, and respond to the events of life.
On a spiritual level the words we use can be beautiful. Words describe our feelings, emotions and our thoughts (the way we communicate). God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us the freedom to choose and create. Our words can also be the difference between night and day, right and wrong, or pleasure and pain. We have to be responsible and accountable for the words we choose to use. The words we choose to use and how we use them makes a huge difference and has the greatest impact on people’s lives. Use words with caution.
There is no greater joy that comes to my life by using the right words. I pray that each and everyone of us can use our words to build people up rather than drag people down. To the individual BE RESPONSIBLE with the words you use. To PARENTS teach your children to use word that will build their fellow men. As thumper says, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”

Love,
Crystal

“Smile and people will want to know what your secret is.”

2011-09-24T21:38:00.001-07:00

I’ve been smiling a lot lately, and it’s not because something amazing or grand has happened in my life. It’s because I have simplified my life. Too many times it’s easy to over complicate our life especially when something horrible happens. It’s amazing to me that no matter what happens in life it always gets better. We lose people that we love, we make mistakes, we fall and get hurt, but when we pick ourselves up and move on it’s the most remarkable feeling ever. I feel empowered to be who I am. I have such amazing people in life who have taught me about hope, about having faith, and helping me realize the potential that I have within myself.

It’s so amazing to look at myself everyday and be proud of who I am. Too look around at the people in my life and know how blessed I am to have them in my life. I can’t be sad for the people who have left, because they left something better with me. I love reading my journals, and I smile everytime I do. I love looking in people’s eyes and seeing them for the remarkable individual that they are. Despite all the turmoil in the world and in our lives. The earth and this life was created for our enjoyment the different seasons, flowers, sunrises, mountains, sunsets, lakes, rivers, etc. Everyday is a different adventure. I’m grateful for it all. It’s the simple things in life that keep me smiling. The secret to being truly happy is enjoying it all.

Crystal

Letting go!!!!!

2011-07-09T18:38:00.000-07:00

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life."

If there is one thing that I try my hardest to avoid in life it is pain. Pain comes in many forms....disappointment.....losing somone you love.....or not living up to your potiential. When we avoid pain we do not give ourself the opporunity to freely feel or enjoy life. Sometimes it's important to let go no matter how hard or difficult it may be. The problem is Life is a continual process of letting go sometimes life may call for us to let go of painful situations or people who no loner nurture or support our life. This is a painful process in which we must take deep care of ourselves and be very patient and compassionate to our inner pain.
In time the pain lessens. As we get caught up in new experiences, we may forget the pain that lies within. Long after the situation ends, we may have memories or remembrances that sadden us and make us question where we are in life. This is all part of the growing process.

We know deep inside that no matter how much we try to imprison the pain that lies inside, because feeling something even pain is better then not feeling anything at all. We know that eventually like an imprisoned bird once we let it go it will fly free just like the joy we will feel when we free our pain. After letting go we get a new perspective in life by taking time to assess where we have gone and the new life we are creating.

You see it's not only about letting go it's about moving forward. If we don't move forward then we in sense push the pause button on our pain. Create new experiences and be thankful for the freedom that letting go gives you. By staying close to the rawness that letting go gives our heart, we are able to access what in life really touches us now. By pursuing what is important to us – we are on our way to creating a fabulous new life.

Times of change can be scary and deeply confusing, but it is a time where we must take stock in what is important to us now. We can change our energy for life by taking on new interests or activities we have always wanted to. We can change our entire perspective by doing just one thing differently. Love life and enjoy the experiences that life can fully bring.

Take time to slow down and find what is calling you from deep within. Notice what is happening around you. Close your eyes and listen to the sounds. Open your eyes and see the details you usually miss because you are too busy. Feel the air on your skin, feel the breath in your lungs. Feel the longings in your heart, notice what you notice. In this space, you notice new things and are touched by the magic of life.

You will be inspired in a new direction that has deeper fulfillment and meaning than the old life you let go. In time, the old life will be a memory you are grateful for, and quite possibly thankful it is over, because a sweeter, happier, and more meaningful existence is likely to have begun. In the past 6 months I have let go of many past experience I have had. Letting go of the pain has been a rewarding and inspiring experience for me. I have grown in ways that I cannot explain. I look forward with an open heart and mind, and am so grateful for the experience I will enjoy. I love you all and thank you for the joy you have brought into my life. God bless!!!

Crystal Anel

Creating a better ME

2011-06-03T22:34:00.001-07:00

George Bernard Shaw once said " Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
I've always been comfortable in being invisible. I know that it sounds weird for me to say that, but me explain. I never wanted to out shine anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. When it came to trying out for the team I blew it. I almost think it was on purpose. In high school I tried out for basketball and volleyball, but never made it. When I have had the opportunity to play with others, because of my talent they always assume I played in high school, and even college. The truth is I only participated in track because I didn't have to tryout for it. Even when I was competing with other runners I didn't try very hard. I remember one time at district I was competing for the 300 hurdles. The gun went off and I started to run. I pushed myself harder then I have ever pushed myself when it came to racing. In a brief moment I realized that I was in first place. I didn't want to be in first becuase that meant everyone would be looking at me. For this reason I started to look behind me. I was so distracted by being in first that I couldn't stop looking at the people behind me wondering when they would catch up. Just so you know you don't look behind you when your running (it slows you down). I came to the last hurdle and my trailing leg hit the hurdle. I barely made it across the finish line and I fell. I ended up coming in 3rd. What's interesting is I realize now I didn't want 1st or 2nd I was okay being in the middle.
Despite my efforts to remain invisible I have shined in many aspects in my life, but everytime I have realized it I have back away. Being popular in school was never important to me, being the smartest (desptie what anyone thinks), being on top never interested me. I love to see other people happy and to see other people succeed, but I've never been okay with seeing myself succeed. So what I have done is just settled. I've settled for friendships that weren't friendships, I've allowed people to use me and use my forgiveness, and I've settled in my love life. The truth is when people don't really need you or want you you remain invisible. It's taken me a while but I'm sick of feeling this way. I sick of people using me until they find something better. I'm sick of settling and sacrificing the best part of me so other people can get joy.
I know who I am. I know my potiential. I'm sick of being in the middle so watch out world cause I'm about to shine!!!!

Crystal

Randomness:Post 4

2011-05-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Long time no write I know. I've been busy. The other day I watched "Dirty Dancing" I love that movie. When my brother and I were younger we tried to do the part of the movie where I ran jumped he lifted me in the air......and I would usually end up face down into the ground. My favorite part of the movie is when Baby goes to the first dance where she meets Johnny for the first time. He asks why she is there and she said " I carried a watermelon". I have had a lot of watermelon moments throughout my life. I'm a tomboy. When I was a child I really didn't think their was a difference between a boy or girl...obviously I know there is a difference now. If the boys would catch frogs I would. If the boys would climb a tree I would. I'm sure I was one of those pesky little sisters that my brother and his friends would try to lose, but I held my ground. Anyways back to the "watermelon moments." I've seem to have a lot of them lately, but my first was when I was 12 and had my first boyfriend. I decided to write him a song and then sing it to him on the phone...of those of you who know me....I DON'T sing.....so you can imagine what that went like. It was about two turtles walking on the beach...ha ha the memories. The next watermelon moment was in high school....I liked this guy named TRAVIS. One time we were going to a track meet...I decided I didn't like him anymore. So one of my guy friends stood up on the bus and yelled "CRYSTAL WANTS EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT SHE DOES NOT LIKE TRAVIS ANYMORE." Seriously, embarrassing. I had several "WATERMELON MOMENTS" in college, but I don't feel like sharing those. In the past week I've had two. I work in a psychiatric unit I was heading to my car, and the gate is locked. It told the nurse that I would be willing to walk these paramedics out. I began to walk them out....and YES THEY were hot. I got to the gate and one of the paramedics decided to flirt with me. The code to the gate is pretty long so I was typing it in and he said " Are you trying to give me your digits." I didn't know how to respond,and his comment made me more nervous. My response to him is "Yeah our code is pretty long" How lame is that. My flirtatious skills went out the window after my comment I couldn't get the gate open. Our gate is a pull gate and I kept pushing the gate to open it after several seconds I finally realized what I was doing. They pushed their stretcher out the gate, and I wished them a happy day. At the moment I was wishing them a happy day I tripped and fell to the ground. The paramedics came running over to assist me I jumped up and started laughing. I told them I was okay, but REALLY I was embarrassed. This was last THURSDAY. TODAY I went to the store. I just need to grab a few things. Their was this fireman who was also shopping I went past him and he smiled at me and said Hi. I smiled back and said hi. I couldn't keep my eyes off him, and wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I ran into a candy display. The display was knocked over and all the candy fell from the display. I put the display back up and started to put the candy back in it's spot. The fireman who's name is Jeff helped me, and we shared a few laughs. Let's just say that Jeff now has my number. I'm just mortified of these watermelon moments, but if a hot guy asks for my number who am I to complain.

Signing out,

Crystal Angel

Randomones 3: THE TRUE STORY OF MCDONALDS

2011-04-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

My family gets totally out of CONTROL when telling others about what happened at McDonald's ONE time when I was 12 years old. They story grows and grows each time it is told, and it's been over 15 years so I don't know why my family still chooses to tell this story. So, I'm telling it from my perspective(which is the TRUE story). When I was twelve years old My family and I went to McDonald's. We ordered our food, and food for five people was put on one tray (why they did this is beyond me). I wanted to be the one to carry the tray from the counter to where we were sitting which was probably about 50 feet away. As I started to walk the fries started to tip over...which in return started to knock over our drinks...let's just say a domino affect started to occur. I started to panic and did the first thing that came to my mind. I started to run.......why I though running would stop the food from falling off the tray was beyond me. Let's just say that I didn't make it to the table. The food and drinks flew out of my hands all over this lady sitting at the next booth by my family(oops). The lady was very accepting of my apology, and McDonald's replaced my families food. I think this is one of the many reasons I won't eat at McDonald's today.

RANDOMNESS 2

2011-03-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not the most talented person in the world, but I've always pretended to be talented. My family actually has nick-named me ClutZy Crystal!!! In the 8th grade I did cheer leading....hard to believe I know. My freshman year I was pretty motivated to do something so I tried out for everything. The first thing that I decided to tryout for is cheer leading. One of things that we had to do for tryouts is tryout out in front of the whole school. We had two things we had to do for the tryouts: #1 make up our own cheer #2 Make up a dance. The cheer was easy, but dancing is a whole different story. First I don't know how to dance, but I tried. Me trying consisted of me twirling across the gym floor twice and intermingling some of my gymnastics routine into my dance (If anyone has a video recording of this I would really love to see it someday). Let's just say it didn't work out and I didn't make the squad.

After I didn't make the cheer leading squad. I decided to try out for the Drill team (DANCE TEAM). Again, I DON'T know how to dance and I DON'T know why I tried out. To make a long story short in the middle of tryouts I was the one to knock over the can-can line. It's not shocking that I didn't make it, but it still makes me laugh to have witnessed a human domino affect....and I was the human that caused it!!! Later that year I ventured in doing track instead of dancing ........FOR some reason my mom always got nervous watching me run the 100 and 300 hurdles.....I don't know why :D!!!!

RANDOMNESS: POST 1

2011-03-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

I'm one of those people who always has a random story to tell. I usually have the whole room laughing with things that have happened in my life. I don't know if it's because I'm unlucky or what. All I know is It's never a dull day in the life of Crystal. The other day at work I was telling my co-worker's a RANDOM story that had happened to me that day. One of my co-workers suggested to me to write stories of things that happen in my life. Instead of writing a book I decided that for the next 10 weeks I will share with you a Random Story from the past or present that has happened in my life. I hope you enjoy!!! I'll start with the a "CRYSTAL CLASSIC".

COLLEGE DAYS: THE WORST DAY EVER !!!!
In college I was always busy I worked full time, took 18+ credits every semester, and tried to have a social life on top of that. One day I had what some would call the worst day ever. My first class started at 8:00 in the morning. Usually I got up at 6:00 am to work out, but this morning I was sick. I had a test in my 8:00 class and for this teacher if you were late for class you couldn't take the test and got a zero. I woke up at 7:40 that morning because I was so ill. I didn't have time to take a shower. So, I jumped out of bed got dressed, and started running to class.

In the midst of running to class I slipped in dog crap and ended up falling right on top of it. I didn't have time to go back to my house and change so I went to class. Of course I arrived and the only seat that was left was next to the hottest guy in my class (just my luck right?). I took my seat and waited for the teacher to hand out the test. Randomly, the cute guy next to me starts smelling around, and whispers to me, "Man, something SMELLS REALLY bad." At that moment I didn't know if it was because I forgot my deodorant or if it was the dog crap that I had fell in. Either way I agreed with him that it was smelly and tried to shift the blame to someone else in the class (I don't think he bought it). Because I was so busy I scheduled my classes one after another and had classes all day until 2:50pm. After my first class I went to the bathroom and tried to clean the dog crap off of my self the best I could. I was looking for a job at that time and had a interview at 3:30

On the way home I was standing by this man and his dog waiting to cross the busy street. His dog started sniffing my shoe and leg, but I wasn't really paying attention because there was a squirrel running around on the ground (for those of you who don't know I'm terrified of squirrels, and I'm sure you'll find out more to those reasons when you read more of these stories). The squirrel ran up the tree with something in his hand when the squirrel reached the first branch he dropped the thing he had in his hand right on my head. I looked down to see what the squirrel had dropped. When I saw the dog that was smelling me lifted up his leg and start peeing on my shoe. The man was so embarrassed and started apologizing. I told the man not to worry because things like that happened to me all the time. I think the dog peed on me because he smelt the dog crap I had slipped in....either way I had dog pee and poop on me at this point.

After I got home I was in a hurry for my interview and didn't have time to take a shower. So, I took my shoes and pants off, and put new one's on (or so I thought). The job I was interviewing for was a county job, and because it was a county job I had to interview with the county commissioners. REMEMBER I'M SICK on this day. I got done with my interview and I started shaking everyone's hand I got to the last person when I felt a sneeze coming on. I couldn't hold it in and sneezed snot all over one of the county commissioners. I apologized and left the interview embarrassed. I got home and four of my roommates were sitting on the couch. One of them looked down and said "Uhh....Crystal...Why do you have two different shoes on?" At that pointed I wanted to cry, but started laughing. My roommates looked at me as if I were crazy, and I said "Your not going to believe the day I had". (Just so you know I did get the job).

Have you had a bad day? Feel free to share it with me!!!

Spiritual Strength

2011-03-02T22:22:00.000-08:00

I have had several things happen to me in the past couple months which have left me so hurt I just don't know how to pick up the pieces. I have felt like I'm on an emotional roller coaster that just not stopping. I have never before felt such strong feeligns of hurt, anger, and pain. I'm lucky to have so many supportive people in my life who are trying to help me in the best way they can. Yet, as supportive as they have been no words have been able to stop these feelings I feel inside. I want those people who have been supportive in my life to know that I do feel their love and support. But despite their efforts to make these things better my pain and agony continue.....and leave me more lost than ever.

I have realized that emotional and psycological hurt can linger in the form of bad memories, thoughts, and experiences and if left inside it can create barriers of personal growth and can lead us to doubt our abilities, trust our emotions, and believe in the goodness of the world and people around us. I'm the type of person who wants to see the good in people, and wants to learn from the experiences in my life but I feel this heaviness of hurt and bitterness in my heart and mind. I have felt lately that because I feel these feelings so intensely I have created barriers within myself that have prevented me to move forward. I want to move forward and get past this hurtful situation, but I feel stuck.

I have also realized that we cannot always control the things that happen around us. It's impossible for us to correct the wrong doings or attiudes of others. I try to have a good attiude and have an eternal perspective on the things that happen in my life. Yet, these feelings of hurt, pain, and anger are affecting my ability to cope and understand god's purpose for me. These attitudes and ways of thinking, so deeply embedded in my heart, subconciously hold me back from believing God's promises of peace, comfort and spiritual liberation. I've had so many people tell me how I shoudl turn everything to god, and allow the healing power of the atonement in my life. I just don't know how to let that happen. I feel his love for me every day, but I also feel the advesary present in my life kicking me while I'm down. I'm usally a fighter but I don't have the strength to fight anymore.

I have realized that through no fault of anyone else because of my attiude and feelings I have missed out on many spiritual blessings that god is more than willing and ready to give me. The broken heart is restored through release from the bondage to hurtful memories, a process which includes forgiveness and emotional reconstruction. Yet I'm not ready to forgive the people who have hurt me in my life.....I'm open to forgiveness........just not over the hurt. In the midst of this situation I feel myself slipping further and further away from the spirutal strength I have within me. The spirtual power that I beleive in. It's like my faith in god and good things are broken and I don't have the strength to change it right now. I don't understand why I'm not turning to my Heavenly Father and savior who would be more than willing to carry me through this if I'd just ask. My dear friends and family please pray for me. I know things will get better, and I will be stronger because of it. I love you all!!!

Crystal

Being me is the only thing that matters!!!

2011-02-21T00:27:00.000-08:00

The one thing that I have always loved about myself is my ability to be myself no matter what. Many people change to conform to what people expect them to be. Me I change when it will better myself or the situation around me. My mom said that since I was little she knew that I would always be the type of person that would beat to my own drum, and she always encouraged me to do so. She also told me that I was the most stubborn of all of her children, because she could never talk me in to doing something I didn't want to do. I don't necessarily call it stubborn...I just know what I want and work hard to achieve it. You can't talk me into believing something that I don't believe in.... so don't try. You have a right to your opinion....if you want mine I'll give it to you.

I don't expect you to believe what I believe...but I do expect you to respect me as a person. I have a self confidence that comes from knowing who I am and loving what I am. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people change or lives below their potential to meet someones expectations. If you could only see what I see in you......you would realize that being you is what makes you unique and special. Lately my self-confidence has been blinded because of the actions of others. Yet, their is an inner strength within me telling me to hold strong to who I know I am. I've realized the importance of holding on to myself, because if I don't I know that I will lose the every essence that makes me ....me.

I want to thank my mom for loving me the way that I am. For teaching me the importance of knowing myself, and loving myself. I want to thank you for encouraging me not to follow the crowd, and for praising me for developing and using my qualities that would push me through the darkest moments of my life. I know that no matter what happens in my life, no matter who I meet, or where I go that I will always be happy with myself because I know it's more important to be myself then to allow the actions of other's to over consume who I was meant to become. I see and believe in my potential to do great things.

Happiness

2011-01-24T22:51:00.001-08:00

In college I came upon this quote and I have never forgotten it.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts so remember what it felt like when you got yours broken. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

I have been so ANGRY lately. Don't get me wrong....I have reasons to feel hurt and Angry. People have betrayed me. Yet this Anger has been consuming me. I'm done being angry...at least for today anyway. Life come's with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. WE must make a choice to live life to the fullest...even during the bad times. People will let us down, but I'll be damned if I'm going to allow people to take seconds of my happiness away from me. Right now I make a choice to move forward...to speak my mind....to take chances....to BE HAPPY.

Hurt; How to forgive

2010-12-26T23:00:00.001-08:00

"There he hung, his body broken and bleeding, still taunted by his enemies; and it was in the midst of all this that Jesus [pled] perhaps quietly, with deep reverence, ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34.)” I don't understand how he did it. I marvel at the love and forgiveness that Jesus has for each and everyone of us. But still I wonder how could He forgive His tormenters at that moment? With all that pain, with blood having fallen from every pore, he did it. He forgave them.

Recently and a few other times throughout my life I have been hurt by the action of another. Usually, I am quick to forgive becuase I to fall short of being or doing good all the time. But for some people who intentionally hurt us...who's actions are not pure...who's actions are completely unholy....how do we find it in our heart to forgive them?

All I feel lately is pain, regret, and anger. I hate feeling this way. I know it's not right. I try to smile and push these feelings deep down so I don't feel this way, and they keep surfacing.....and then I find myself crying uncontrollably(usually in the privacy of my car or my room). It's amazing how the choices we make may inadvertnetly hurt someone. Unfortuantely this time it was someone elses choice who hurt me. Everyday I pray that I might forgive this person, that my burden might be lifted...taht I might find it it my heart to forgive, but for some reason I cannot forgive. BELIEVE ME I really want to. It just hurts. I'm so grateful for a loving family and wonderful friends who have supported me through this difficult time.

I am so grateful for the love that I have felt from my heavenly father and a loving savior. I just want this pain to end. I want to feel free from this burden that was created from no fault of my own. I know the pain will eventually fade away but I feel a scar will always be here. I also know that I will grow stronger from this experience. For now I am open to forgiveness, but I have not completely forgiven this person. I hope one day that this person can stand before me and explain to me why they did what they did. When this happens I hope that they feel enough remorse for their actions, and that I will be able to say "I forgive you" and mean it. For now I guess it's normal feel hurt, pain, and anger. But know ABOVE ALL I feel the enduring love and peace from all of those who have been placed in my life to help me during this difficult trial.

Letter 12: Person I don’t talk to as much

2010-12-21T20:35:00.000-08:00

My dearest friend from high school Angela,

I miss you so much. It’s amazing to me how time just flies by. It was just yesterday we spent every day with each other. Some of my best memories are with you. I won’t share all of our secrets but I will share my favorite memory with you. It was the time we decided to go toilet paper Chris’s house at 3:30 in the morning. We didn’t have transportation by car so we packed up your backpack with Toilet paper jumped on our bikes and rode to sugar. We got there about 4:30 in the morning and started to do our business only to get busted by Chris’s dad. We ran away and you twisted your ankle. We didn’t feel like biking back to your house, and we knew Greg and his parents were gone so we spent the night in his garage in the back of his truck. We had many great adventures didn’t we? Your friendship has meant the world to me, and has been a guiding light in my life. I have laughed with you, cried with you, argued with you, but above all I grew with you. You are now grown women, and we have gone our separate ways, but I have never and will never forget your love and friendship. It’s been such a pleasure to watch your family grow, and to see the amazing Mother and woman that you have become. I just want you to know that I love you and miss our talks.

Your long time and forever friend,

Crystal

Letter 11: DREAMS

2010-12-12T10:12:00.000-08:00

I have always been one to dream. Ever since I was little I have always had dreams. I remember when I was five I wanted to be the president. Then when I was seven after seeing the Olympics for the first time I wanted to be a professional gymnast. When I hit age 13 we had a class in Junior high where we had to pick a profession we wanted to do when we “GREW up”, research it, and write a report about the one we choose. I wanted to be a pediatric nurse, and when I hit college I thought that I wanted to impact people’s lives by being a teacher. My professional dream changed when I took my first social work class and I knew that this was the profession for me. At that moment I realized that my dreams no matter how big or insignificant could change…And no matter what I decided to do my dreams were possible to achieve. The other amazing thing about my dreams is I knew that whatever I decided to do I would have support through my family and friends. I still have dreams today one of my biggest dreams is to be a wife and a mother. I also dream that I might be able to be an influence for good in people’s lives. I once heard this quote that said “when you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling live your life so that when you die everyone you know is crying and you’re the one that’s smiling.” No matter what age we are…no matter what our circumstances…my advice is to keep dreaming. This is what keeps us motivated and this is what helps us leave footprints in each other’s lives. Thank you all for sharing your dreams with me, and for allowing me to see when your dreams come true. This has been the greatest reward in my life.

Crystal

Letter 10: To my best Friend

2010-11-28T22:11:00.000-08:00

I’ve had a lot of good friends in the past. At this time in my life I would like to write to my friend Miranda.

MANDY,

My dearest friend I just want you to know how thankful I am that I have you in my life. Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful that Heavenly father let us meet and become friends. I remember the first day that we met, and the conversation that we had. TABLE ROCK will always be one of my favorite places now because of you. It’s like we were meant to be in each other’s lives. It’s like GOD knew that we needed each other, and he was right. There have only been a few people that I have been able to click with the way that we click with each other. The best thing about our friendship for me is sometimes I just have to look at you and say nothing and you know what I’m thinking. I once heard this quote that said “A best friend is someone you can sit on a porch swing with, say nothing, and walk away feeling like that has been the best conversation you’ve ever had.” I feel that way with you. I’ve had many friends that I have met along the way, but of all the friends I have had I would have to say that your one of the best.
We all need someone who will take our side no matter what, and you have always done that. You have never judged me, and have ALWAYS been a guiding light leading me off the bumpy roads that I have gotten myself on. You have wiped away tears, laughed with me (LAUGHED A LOT WITH ME), been angry with me, and LOVED me unconditionally. I’ve never been able to share so much with someone the way that I share with you. YOU’RE a trusting person, and I am so grateful that you are able to keep my secrets. You’ve allowed me to make mistakes, and hugged me when things have gone wrong. You have never condemned me for doing wrong…you’ve never said “I told you so.” Yet, you did not hesitate to stand by me and helped me through the most difficult times in my life. Not everyone will do that, but you always have. You’re such a loyal FRIEND!!!
I know that your friendship is a blessing to me…a miracle to me….and has been a strength to me. I know because you are in my life I will be just fine. I know that I am a better person just for knowing you. I know that I have a person who will accept me for who I am and who cares and loves me no matter what. Thank you for helping me to recognize my faults, and for teaching me to better myself. Your example of Christ-like love is endearing. I am SO THANKFUL, for your friendship and want you to know how grateful I am for you in my life. If I don’t say it enough I LOVE YOU!!! I’m excited to continue down the journey of friendship with you!!
Your sister from another mother,
Crystal

Letter 9: A letter to someone who is deceased

2010-11-20T22:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Grandma,
I remember sitting by you the first time we had to put you into the hospital. You looked at me with your big blue eyes and said “Crystal, I don’t understand why all these people are here. No one is going to care when I die. Is that what they are waiting for me to do is die.” Your eyes filled with tears and you turned away from me and wept. I remember placing your head in my hands and I told you “I care grandma…..I don’t want you to die…………..I can’t IMAGINE my life without you.” At that point you stopped crying looked in my eyes and said “I’m afraid everyone will forget me.” It has been 4 years since you past away, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t reach for my phone to call you only to realize that you can’t be reached. I still don’t have the heart to delete your number from my phone. There is not a birthday that goes by that I don’t wait for your birthday card for me to arrive in the mail. As the days and years have passed away my life without you has not been the same. There is a framed picture that resides by my bed stand of just us two. It’s a picture that someone took of us and we didn’t realize it. You are whispering something in my ear….just like you always did when there was a crowd around. What’s funny is I remember what you whispered to me that day. I giggle every time I see that picture. What’s weird though is that picture gives me the strength to go on without you. It’s as though you’re whispering to me NOW…saying “Crystal, I’m proud of you….or Crystal I know you can do it.” You were the best grandma in the world, and I was so lucky that I had you in my life. I know that you would kill me if you knew this, but I talk about you to everyone. I am just so grateful to have known such a wonderful person. I don’t ever want to forget you, and I want other people to know of your goodness, love, and compassion. You have always been a hero in my eyes. Your strength and wisdom have touched so many people. The best thing of all though is that your legacy lives on. I see so much of you in your children, in your children’s children, and in me. I know that you are with Grandpa Andy now, and I look forward to the day when I am reunited with you. I know that you are with me now, because I feel your presence with me on a daily basis. Your life lives on through the countless memories I have of you. I miss and Love you so much!!! Just so you know …..I still care…. I still miss you….. And I will never forget you.
With all my heart,
Crystal

Letter 8: Someone that I have hurt

2010-11-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

To whoever I have hurt,

I’ve probably hurt many people in my life. I can’t think of one particular instance, but I know that I have done it because I’m not perfect. I hope that whoever you are that you forgive me. At times my words can be harsh, and I have tried to monitor what I say, but as those close to me have learned sometimes words just slip out of my mouth. I know that words are very powerful …..more so than anything else. So if there is something I have said or done to hurt you I’m sorry. I’m not a vindictive or hateful person, and I really try not to hurt people. It makes me so sick when I know that I have hurt someone. I’m so grateful for forgiveness, and for the people who have forgiven me in my life. I know what it is like to be hurt by someone, and I hate causing pain to other people. So with all my heart I am so sorry, and I really do love you. I hope that you can forgive me if I have ever doen anything to hurt you.

Crystal

Letter 7: A letter to my Siblings

2010-11-14T21:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Becky,
We fought when we were younger yet we patched things up. We laughed at each others jokes that no one else understood. We said some of the meanest things to each other… yet no one else could and I know we would have defended each other till the death. We did some of the silliest things together, and shared secrets that no one else will ever know. You’ve always been here for me and for that I’m grateful for. No matter how big or small my problem is I know that I can come to you and you will listen. I remember when I was little having night terrors, and waking up in the middle of the night. We shared a room and when I would get scared I would jump into your bed. I know that I woke you up, and instead of yelling at me you put your arm around me and kept me safe. For as long as I can remember you’ve protected me. I’ve been so blessed to see you grow into a wonderful talented woman. It saddens me when you don’t see what I see in you. You can do no wrong in my eyes. Thank you so much for laughing, for teaching me things, and for crying with me. I know that no matter what happens in my life that I can always depend on you. In life people will come and go; children will come and eventually they go. Friends grow up and move away, but the one thing that will never be lost is your sister. Thank you so much for all you do I love you.
Crystal

Dear James,
I’m grateful to have a brother like you. I remember in high school people being scared of you. When people told me that they were scared of you I would laugh. I think that your bark was bigger than your bite if you know what I mean. You are such a soft person with a big heart, and I admire that about you. You are the peacekeeper, and a defender of people. I loved when I was little and didn’t want to hang out with the girls in the neighborhood you would allow me to hang out with you and your friends. I loved catching frogs with you, playing ball, and climbing trees. I still think that I made the best tom boy…not every girl can say that they can pee standing up without peeing all over themselves…but I can gladly say that I have mastered that skill. I did it because I wanted to be like you. I see you in your life, and am amazed at how positive you remain despite all the bad things that have happened to you. You’re the looking at the glass half full kind of person, and I truly need that in my life. I love your laid back attitude and determination. I know that you will go far in your life. You’re a wonderful dad and husband. I’m excited for the changes that you have made in your life, and KNOW that you will do great things. I’m excited to see what you will become. I hope that you realize what an amazing individual that you are. I’m so PROUD to have a brother like you. Thanks for always being here for me, and for the wonderful support that you have given to me. I love you so much.
Crystal

Dear Tiffany,
I know that your not my biological sibiling but I consider you my sibling none the less. Yoru a wonderful sister-in-law. I’m so proud of the strength that you have. Believe me I know how hard it is to LOVE James (Just Kidding), but I want you to know that he is a great guy. I’m so glad that your in his life, because I know that you have been a support to him. The great thing about James is once he sets his mind to something he will succeed. That is why I know that he will always treat you well. I know that he jokes around a lot, but we get that from our mom…so blame her. Thank you so much for being a great mom to my nieces and nephews. I am learning from your example. I have loved getting to know you and the wonderful person that you are becoming. I’m excited to see your family grow, and to see the influence that you have been to them. Thanks so much for talking to me when I need it. I want you to know that I love you so much.

Love,

Crystal

Dear Tracey,
With you I know that I can say only a few words, and it will be okay. You’re a great brother-in-law. I know that we are different, but I have loved the talks that we have had. You have such a laid back personality, yet your very bright, and hard worker. You have some beautiful children, and a wonderful wife. It’s exciting to see them grow and become these amazing people. I love Gavin’s stories about his dad, and I can tell how much he loves you. I know that you have had a lot of stress on you lately, but I want you to know that I see how hard that you work. Thanks for putting up with me, and allowing me to stay with you for that brief period. It has truly been a joy getting to know you. I want you to know that I love you and I’m grateful for all you have done to me. Thanks for listening to me complain…and for stealing your children every now and again.

Love
Crystal.

Letter 6: Someone in my life who has caused me a lot of pain

2010-11-10T21:44:00.001-08:00

I know that I am suppose to write to someone who has caused me a lot of pain in my childhood, but I couldn’t think of anyone from my childhood who has caused me a lot of pain. So, I’m going to write to someone who has caused me a lot of pain.

Dear_______,
Here is the letter you never received. I wrote this at one point, but forgave you instead. I still forgive you, but I think I just need to tell you how I feel……. I regret not telling how you hurt me. So, here’s my opportunity. I’m hurt and seriously regret the years of wasted time I spent with you. I’m angry that you used me, and thought so less of me you couldn’t just let me go. Sometimes I blame myself, but realize that it was you. Believe me I have analyzed this over and over in my head. You took all my goodness every part of it, and left me with nothing. You had a million of excuses of why you couldn’t be here for me. I gave so much to you and expected nothing in return but was hopeful that our relationship could be equal and in return you never gave back. You were never there for me the way I was there for you. You’ve told me that before so I know that I’m not just making this up in my head. I don’t understand and still don’t understand why I allowed you to use me in such the way that you did. I guess I trusted you…..out of everyone to trust I still can’t believe I trusted you. I gave my trust to someone who didn’t respect me….who didn’t love me……..and for that I’m angry. You ruined that trust, and everyday I pray that I can get it back. It’s like you decided everything and I had no control. I still can’t believe that you gave no explanation for your behavior is that all I get. Seriously!!! I SEE how much I meant to you. It’s been difficult for me to forgive you completely which makes me feel like a horrible person. Everyone has told me that I have a reason to hate you, but it’s not in me to hate you. At some points I wish I could…it would make things a lot easier. I have a lot of regret when I think of you. I don’t have many regrets in my life, but your one of them. I think that people whether they impact your life for the better or worse help you to learn something. So I guess you taught me something. Everyday I am moving away from the bitterness and hole that you caused me, and I know one day through no help of you I will move past the pain. I want you to know that I forgive you, because despite the pain that you caused me I loved you. It makes me happy to know that I can say that I forgive you and really mean it. I hope that you learn from this experience and realize you cannot treat people the way that you have treated me.

Crystal

Letter 5: To my parents

2010-11-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,
You’ve always kept it simple in my life which is wonderful because as you well know I tend to make things complicated. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life. You have taught me so much about the little and big things in life. You have made things so fun when I want to make things methodical. You always have known what to say to make me smile, but you also know when to keep things serious. You balance things out. I’m proud to say that I get my sense of humor from you, and I love how we can go for hours with our witty comebacks to each other. It makes me laugh that I’m an adult and you still call me your baby. I love how stubborn you are, and the knowledge that you have given to me in my life. I don’t think that there is a mom out there who loves her kids as much as you love us. You have taught me about unconditional love through your example. You have taught me to be a strong independent woman. My fondest memories of you is watching Saturday morning cartoons, our movie nights, shopping dates, cleaning and cooking with you, and taking cat naps with you. Most of all I love the relationship that we have and the time that we spend together. You’re the best mom in the world, and I love you with all my heart. Not every mom in the world allows their stubborn daughter to eat cookies and milk for breakfast because there was no way you were going to make me eat oatmeal. Thanks for all you do. If I don’t say it enough know that I love you.
With love your little angel.

Dear Dad,
Any girl can say that their dad is their hero and your no different to me. You’ve always been there. I remember the daddy daughter dates that we went to when I was a teenager. I cherish the memory of us line dancing together the thought of that still makes me laugh. I love how I would fake sick from the first day that you came home from your logging jobs, and you would come to the school pick me up and take care of me at home. Don't be mad I just wanted to be with you. I think you knew that I was faking and would come pick me up any way. The best memory I have of you though is the date you took me on when I was 16. It was then you taught me how I should be treated by any guy who took me out. You have been a great example of how guys should treat women, and I have treasured that. I love how you treat mom like a queen and how you take care of her. You’ve always treated us right, and I love the Valentine I get every year. I am grateful that you have taught me about cars, and the importance of finishing what I start. I love our little fights on who is "RIGHT" because we are very similar in personalities. If i have you thinking now.... I'm ALWAYS RIGHT!!! Thank you so much for always being here for me. I’m so grateful for the love and support you have given me throughout my life. I will always and forever love you. Thanks again, and I truly hope one day I will be able to find a guy who will show me the love that you show mom. I love and adore you.

With all my love,
Crystal

Letter 4: My first Love or Crush

2010-11-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

Dear First love,
I remember the first day that we met. I felt tingles in my body, and I knew that you were someone special. I remember always wanting to be with you. I remember how excited I got when I got to see you or when you called me on the phone. Our first date was perfection, and every day after was amazing while I was with you. You opened my heart up to possibilities and dreams. Although, we were only together for a short time it was the first time I felt feelings of love in a relationship outside my family and friends. It was something new and exciting, but I was scared. I never knew I could feel such feelings that is why I pushed you away. I know that you felt it me pushing, because I did to. I didn’t mean to break your heart, but it happened because I wasn’t ready for the love you had to offer to me at that point in my life. The day you left I didn’t cry in front of you, but I did cry. I was heartbroken and didn’t know why. It was only later in life that I realized that I hurt because I loved you. I still think about you, and I am so glad you found someone to be with who makes you happy. I’m glad we are still friends today, and that I can be part of your life. You taught me things about myself that I never knew, and I will be forever grateful for your example and your love. I have been able to share the love you taught me with other’s that I have dated and I hope one day I will be able to share my love eternally with someone as you do with your wife. Thank you for teaching me so much about love.

Sincerely,

Crystal

Letter 3: My future Children

2010-11-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

See Previous Posts

To my future children
All of my life I have looked up to the mom’s in my life. My mom came from a family with 9 sisters’ all who have touched my life in one way or another. They have taught me things about being a mother, about being patient, and loving with all of their hearts. From the first time that I picked up a doll to give it a bottle I knew I wanted to be a mother. It’s an instinctual part of me as and for all women whether they know it or not. I have always cherished the opportunity to be a mom, and have looked forward to the day that I will become a mom. I cannot wait for the day that the responsibility of motherhood will come to be. I have dreamed of my children, and look forward to the days that a precious spirit of god is place in my arms. I’m not afraid because I have had good teachers in my life. My mom has taught me how to be a mom. She has always been there for me, and I pray that one day I will have the opportunity to show my mom what she has taught me by being a mom of my own. My grandmother was also an amazing example of what a mother is. With as great as teachers as them I know that I will succeed. I hope that you are patient with me…..I will need it. I know that I will make mistakes….I know at times I will seem overbearing or protective. But one thing I want you to know is that I will love you for always and forever. I pray that I will teach you the things that you need to know.

With all my heart,

Crystal Angel

Letter 2: My future Spouse

2010-10-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

Letter 2: Only 18 more to go. I can't believe how much I'm learning about myself. Thank's again Sharlee for the idea.

Dear Future Spouse,

All of my life people have told me that when you meet the one that your suppose to be with you know. I haven’t felt that feeling so I guess I haven’t met you yet. I’m excited to find you, but so afraid. I’ve been hurt a lot and have lost my faith in love, but I’m hoping when I find you….you can help me restore my faith in love again. I once heard this quote that said “Love in all it’s fragile forms is the one powerful motivatating force that brings real meaning to our everyday lifes.” I have felt love in my life. I have been in love and thought that I have felt unconditional love that comes when you decided to spend your life with your future spouse. I truly believe that love changes each of us. I hope that you realize what a wonderful family that you will join when we decide to be married. I hope that you feel the same way about your family that I feel about mine. I hope that you will love me the way my dad loves my mom. I hope that you respect me and push me to be the best person I can be.

I want you to be patient with me because I’m not perfect. So, please don’t say that I am or expect me to be perfect. At times I can become over consumed in trying to be perfect and making you happy despite how much of myself I have to give up. I need someone to love me for who I am including my faults. My grandma taught me that Humor is an important thing in life, and so I hope that we laugh a lot together. Service is also an important to me and I hope that we can serve together. My faith is also important to me, and I pray that you will have high standards and will uphold your priesthood responsibilities. I want to be the family that prays together studies the scriptures together, and has FHE every week.

My dad taught me the importance of working hard….yet he had time to enjoy and love his children. I hope that you have a job that you love, and that education and gaining knowledge is important to you. I hope that you will be able to work hard yet be able to come home and want to play with your children and be part of their lives. I hope we never raise our voices with each other or our children. Respect is important to me.

I do believe in love because I have seen so much of it in my life…so I know when the time is right that.... I will meet you. I know when I meet you I will have a good life with you that will be filled with love and laughter. I’m excited to love you unconditionally, and to spend my life and eternity with you. May I continue to live worthy of your love, and the blessings that are awaiting us.

Letter #1: A stranger

2010-09-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

(If Your confused about this letter, Read my previous post)

I’m an observant person. I’m probably the one looking at you and your wondering why is she looking at me. The reason: I’m a curious person that’s why. I’m wondering where you have come from, what you do for a living, what your family is like, or what exciting things are you going to do today. I’m just that type of person. I’m the type of person who will probably smile and wave, and try to start small talk with you in the grocery line.
I truly believe that there is something to learn from each person I meet. Who knows you may have already changed my life, and I never had the opportunity to thank you. So, I would like to do that now, THANK YOU. When I was a little girl my parent’s car broke down in the middle of nowhere. There was this family who stopped drove 30 miles out of their way to the nearest gas station and brought us back food and pop while we waited two hours for the tow truck to come and haul us to the nearest town. You as a stranger didn’t have to do that for us, but you did. There are so many things that I can learn from you.
It’s not always easy to love someone you just met, but I’ve had the opportunity in my life to meet a stranger like yourself and love them. Loving and serving others has made all the difference in my life. So, if you see me staring at you or smiling at you come on over and say hi. I’ll be waiting and excited to see how my life changes because you left your footprint on my heart.

Letters

2010-09-26T21:23:00.001-07:00

My friend Sharlee gave me this Idea that she got from a blog. I thought what the heck this may be fun. The challenge is to write a letter to someone per day. Like Sharlee I will probably do this once a week or less. Here are the different people or “Things” I will be writing to:
1. A stranger
2. Your spouse, or your future spouse - even if you've never met them
3. Your child(ren) or future child
4. Your first love or crush
5. One to each of your parents
6. Someone in your life who has caused a lot of pain during your childhood
7. Your sibling(s)
8. Someone you've hurt
9. Someone you don't understand
10. Someone deceased
11. The person you'd want to take care of your children if you & your spouse are no longer alive
12. Your best girlfriend
13. Your dreams
14. Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like
15. Your 13-year-old self
16. The person you miss the most
17. Someone you know who's going through the worst of times
18. Someone that caused someone you love (not you) a lot of pain when they were a child
19. Someone that changed your life
20. Your reflection in the mirror

A few Thoughts

2010-09-12T15:45:00.000-07:00

You know I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Maybe it's cause I'm getting older, and looking back I thought that I would be in such a different place than I am right now. I've notice though that people often attempt to live their lives waiting for better things to arrive or waiting for what they expect their lives to be like. Many people become so consumed in accomplishing what they feel that need that they fail to notice the TRUE beauties in life. I feel myself doing that at times. Going through the motions of life without feeling or noticing the beauty around me. I say notice it...before it passes you by. Notice the blueness of the clear skies, the laughter of a child, the smell of the rain, or the feel of the wind. We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting things we don't have, but rather recognizing and appreciating what we do have. I came upon this list in my Journal the other day that I want to share. It's titled the 11 Hints for Life.

1) It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2) A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3) The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4) It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

5) It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6) Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7) Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8) Find a person who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on them. Who will lay under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay away just to watch you sleep. Wait for the person who will kiss your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends, and who thinks your just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. The one who turns to his friends and says, "That's her."

9) A careless word may kindle strife. A Cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

10) The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11) Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

I want you to know that every day of our lives is a blessing. The good days as well as the bad. Don't wish off your bad days for better ones. Enjoy every day and the blessings that come your way. It is then each of us will find true happiness in our lives.

Change

2010-09-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to me that no matter how much I say that I hate change it seems to happen all the time. If it isn't life that is changing...then it's me making changes to my situation. I guess I can say that change happens whether we like it or not. As for me what has changed in my life? I started a new job. I'm working at Boise Behavioral Hospital as the social service director. I promised myself after leaving my last supervisory position that I didn't want to take another one...and you guessed it I did. I think that this one will be better. I only supervise one person, and she is an amazing worker. I have a great team where I work now. I'm so excited for the experience. I work in a geratric unit with indiviudals who have mental health issues. I feel that this will be a great experience for me. I love the job, the enviornment, and what doors it will open in the future. It will take some time getting use to, but it's a fast paced enviornment and I always have things today. It makes work go fast. As for family life things are going good. We just had a family reunion and its good to see everyone. My necies and nephews are growing too fast....but they are so amazing. Life is really good right now...and I'm excited for the future. Peace out for now :D

Summer fun!!!!!!

2010-07-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend we got family pictures. It was so fun. It's so amazing to see our family grow and for the personalities that come with our growing family. This year we had our annual "Aunt Crystal" party. Instead of doing popcorn and movies we had a camp out. I arrived on Friday and took the kids swimming all seven of them...obviously Kendrick is too small to come...but I'm sure he will join the fun someday. We went to the water park... Let's just say that having 3 three year olds, a five year old, a 8, 9, and 10 year old is a chore. It went pretty smoothly though. After the water park I took all of them to the store. Another challenge...but so fun. We built a camp fire in grandma's and grandpa's back yard, and then slept out under the stars. I love my nieces and nephews...they make me laugh. It's fun to spend time with them and watch them grow. I think that their parents have done an exceptional job of raising their beautiful children...I'm so glad to be a part of their lives....I truly am blessed.

Back To Normal

2010-05-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

So, I graduated for the third time in my life time, and I can't tell you how wonderful it finally feels to be done. This journey has tested my limits, and has been amazingly tough. Through it all I have learned so much, and amazed at the potiental that god has blessed me with. I'm so excited to see where my future will lead. As for work I will begin therapy work at the agency that I am currently working. That should start shortly. I took my licensure test and passed!! Yea!!! I just have to wait for grades to post and submit my offical transcript to the social work board...and then I will be an offical LMSW. Then....I will be counselign people. Oh! Goodness. It shoudl defintely be a challenge. I'm kinda scared... not sure if I will be good at it or not. I guess only time will tell. I go on my first vacation in over a year, and will be leaving to Vegas on Thursday. I will post pictures when I get back. I guess that's it for now. Hope all is going well for everyone. Love ya

Joy

2010-02-27T23:27:00.000-08:00

My life has been so crazy lately I thought that I would focus on the things that have brought me joy in my life. I want to start with my wonderful parents who have taught me so much about life and the importance of family. They are wonderful parents who's love has taught me so much. I have never met two people more in love then my parents. I know that they came from goodly parents who's importance of family love has rubbed off on them. I'm so grateful for my grandparents who have also brought me such joy. I love that I have a tight knit family, and that I know my aunts, uncles, and cousins who's words and example have taught me so much about enjoying the small joys in life. I'm find so much joy in having a brother and sister who I am close to. Although we have our differences and disagrements I love them. My sister is so beautiful and is a wonderful mother, and I hope to be half the woman that she is growing to be. My brother is also a good example, and has grown so much. He is so smart and has so much determination, and I know that he will go far in life. Then there are my in-laws Tiffany and Tracy. Tiffany is a great person with the biggest heart that I know. SHe is a great mother and someone I admire. I'm so excited for my new nephew who I know will be brought into a wonderful home. Tracy is a hard worker, and a good father. I'm also so grateful for my wonderful friends. My friends keep me sane....make me laugh....and are so amazing. I want to appoligize to everyone for beening so onery and irritable lately. I have a lot on my plate right now. I know things will slow down, but no matter how busy I get I will never forget the things in my life that bring me true joy. I've posted some pictures of my beautiful neices and nephews.... hope you enjoy. Love you all

I'm so sad that I don't get to see these two beautiful children very often. This means that I don't get very many pictures either. I rememer when we first watched Mathew he was a beautiful little boy. I remember his fat rolls and chubby cheeks....I can't believe how much he has grown. Mathew has brought so much joy in our lives, and I'm so grateful that he is part of our family in an unconvetional sort of way. Then came Kristin. I remember the first time she was put in my arms. I have never felt such a connection to someone. I knew that she was special. I knew that she would bless our lives, and she has. I'm so grateful for her wonderful personality and for the time I get to spend with her. She is so beautiful inside and out, and brings so much joy in my life.

Caroline is so fun to be around, and makes me laugh so much. She just has a quite way of reaching out and touching your heart. Although, she tries to get her brother Quienton in trouble alot.....she brings me so much joy in my life.

Quienton is such a smart boy, and has more love then I have ever seen. His hugs make me feel so good, and he has a bright spirit about him. I'm so grateful that he has blessed my life the way that he has. He too brings me joy.

I found these dresses at shopko for 10.00 a peice. I couldn't resist so I bought them for the girls. They put them on and were dancing in the kitchen saying "I'm a pretty princess." I thought aren't we all. When do we forget how beautiful and amazing we are as women. I love how these two beautiful children reminded me how all women are princesses. I love these girls.

This is such a beautiful picuture of the twins. I love how Jonah appears to be admiring his sister, and Isabelle is just chillin. They are such loving children, and I'm so grateful to have them in my life. I love how they love me so much. I love being an auntie it brings me so much happiness.

Isabelle must get her stubbornness and independence from me...just don't tell anyone. We sure had fun sledding. I had so much fun spending time with my family....this too brings me joy.

Gavin is growing up so much. I love him and how smart he is. I can have a conversation with him like an adult. Yet he has such an imagination and brings such joy in my life. He is so amazing and I'm so grateful for him and his personality.

I love this picture of Caroline it brings out her eyes.

What a day

2010-02-03T22:24:00.000-08:00

It's been one of those weeks....I don't know if there is something in the air. I'm cranky irritable...pissy....you name it. On these days...or weeks....it's hard not to focus on the negative..... so that's what I'm going to do

1) I lost my purse (luckily after a 1 hour search I found it)
2) I did some paperwork for work, and the one time I don't make a copy they lose it.
3) I haven't got enough sleep (which makes me so very cranky)
4) I have homework up the wazoo
5) feel un appreciated and un loved
6) I'm behind on my work notes
7) I keep saying random things....and have no idea where it comes from.
8) I have so many things happening in my life, and I don't feel that I have anyone to share them with....partly because I'm so busy....tired....and random.........that I can't even get out a half decent sentence.

I could go on....but I'll stop.....on the brightside of things....I know things will get better!!! Thanks for listening. Wishing and hoping for a brighter and better day tomorrow.

Growing and Becoming

2010-01-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it school starts on Tuesday. I only have 4 months left till graduation. I graduate May 16,2010. I'm so excited for May to come. This journey has changed my life, and I'm so very excited to see where life takes me from here. 2010 is a year for dreams and change I feel it. I'm excited for my growing family, and for growing opporunties. I went to the temple the other night, and I realized how selfish I have been lately. For some reason I feel that I have had so many trials lately, and have felt it is just not fair. The thoughts that have went through my head are "i'm a good person, why is this happening. I'm living a good life....Why can't things be better. Why do I feel alone...and Why isn't heavenly father helping me?" What selfish thoughts. I have been at this dead end for sometime now refusing to move until Heavenly father tells me where to move. I just have flat out stopped trusting myself....and my god. Who am I to think that I am above god? I got sick a week ago, and asked for a blessing. Before I recieved the blessing I turned to the person who willinging and unselfishly came to give me the blessing, and told him what he should say in the blessing. I mean REALLY!!!! I'm surprised that heavenly father hasn't stuck me in a time out, or yet hit me with a dose of humility. My heart has not been in the right place.

I've always been one to love. In my patirarticle blessing it says "you have a great love for others, and your influence for good will effect many individuals." Many people lately have broken that love which I hold so dear, and it's hard for me to give that love anymore. One might question what happens when you choose not to love? Well, You stop feeling...you stop believing in yourself for the instincts that you trusted brought such hurt. The ultimate loss though is the lack of trust in Heavenly Father, his son, and the spirit. I mean if they really loved wouldn't they have prevented the hurt? In John 4:7-8 it says, "Behold let us love one another; for love is god and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. HE that loveth not knoweth not god; for God is love." It's amazing to me that when we hurt the first thing we do is blame god... like if we blame him long enough he is going to stop the hurt that overcomes our heart? I'm so sick of not feeling...not trusting.... and not loving. I don't want to just go through the motions of life.... I want to live and feel all of it (even the pain). How do I break through this numbing feeling and open my heart again? I was made to love, and it's something that I desire, but where do Ibegin?

In the temple the other night I got my answer. I realized that spirtually speaking we are like children learning the things that we need to in this life to mature into gods and godessess. The pain, trails, happiness, and feelings are all things that we must master to become like our heavenly parents. These experiences just as the experiences we have as we mature are for our benefit. Just as our earthly parents are here to guide us through the expriences we face here in mortaility. Our Heavenly parents are here to guide us through the spiritual experiences that we face in this life. Both more knowledgable than me, but are not above me. Heavenly father's love is unconditional. Everlasting.....just as my parent's love is unconditional and everlasting. I'm still a spirtual child...growing in understanding of my purpose and potiential. My heavenly father and savior will guide and teach me what I need to do to be like them. THey understand how much life is going to hurt, but also know the joy and happiness I will feel after accomplishing this great work. They understand that I am going to experience pain, but they also understand I need to grow. I'm so very grateful for a loving heavenly father who understands what I go through....who understands that I can be a little selfish....who understands that I need these expriences to help me grow.... who see's beyond my imperfections and loves me anyway. I'm also grateful for loving parents and a family who have been so supportive. Happiness is truly the object and design of our existance.

I hope all is well, and thank you all for your love and support. I love you!!!!

2010!!!!!!

2010-01-03T23:18:00.000-08:00

It has been a wonderful break from school so far. It was fun to be with my family for the holidays. I love my family so much, and am grateful for the wonderful people that they are. In 2009, I left the small town of Rexburg, left the job I loved, and moved to Boise. In Boise, I started a new job, met new friends, and started grad school. School has been a interesting experience, and I have learned that I have more tolerance and potential then I thought. As for now I have a 4.0, and ma on my last semster. YEA!!!! Graduation in 5 months!!!! I'm looking forward to the many blessings this year will bring. I'm excited for my new nephew who will come in April. I'm also looking forward to learning more, and experiencing 2010 with more changes and opportunites. It's a new year with new beginnings, new joys, and new hardships. I'm so excited to see where life takes me this Year. I will post christmas pictures later. Love ya all.

Blessings

2009-11-21T23:48:00.000-08:00

Life has been so crazy busy lately. I can't believe that this year is almost over. It has been a year of unexpected surprises and changes. This year has been full of blessings along with many trials. It has been a time of reflection and growth. I want to take a few moments to express my gratitude for all the amazing things that have happened this year. I'm thankful for a wonderful family who is so supportive, and who loves me more then I could imagine. I'm so grateful for my friends who have been more than willing to stand by me and offer support and guidance when I most needed it. I'm grateful for a wonderful heavenly father and savior who have given me strength in times of trial and growth. I'm thankful for the opportunity to live in this country that I love. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to obtain an education in a profession that I have such passion for. The one thing that I have learned this year is that everyday is a blessing that we shouldn't take for granted. I'm so optimistic about the future and am so excited to see where it takes me. I love you all and hope that you have a happy thanksgiving.

You look to old for your age!!

2009-09-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

As part of my practicum I am working in the Day Treatment. I was facilitating group the other day, and during one of the breaks a client turned to me and said "Crystal, your about 40 right?". I was like "No"....and thinking how dare he think I was forty. He then said "Are you 35?" Again, I said no I'm 28. His EYES got really big and he said "REALLY!!! wow....you look old for your age." I was thinking..........what???......but said "I'm sorry." He then said....You really shouldn't look that old. I said i'll try not to look so old next time.

That day I went home and looked in the mirror and all I said for about an hour is 40 really!!! I think I might have a complex now....because I'm looking at pictures of my high school and even college friends and realizing how much they have aged. I guess we all age......I just didn't realize how fast it happened...........The other thing I realized is there is not much I can do about aging....so I guess I will have to cope.

Life has been pretty busy for me, but I love every minute of it. I'm so excited for the future and to see where my life takes me. Anyways, I love you all....and I'll talk with ya later !!

Thoughts on God

2009-08-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

Due to my profession I have witnessed a lot in my life. I have witnessed severe abuse of Children, and of the elderly. I have witnessed suffering of the mentally ill and disabled. I would be lying if I said that this has not significantly impacted my life. A common theme that has come up in my profession...and the word that I absolutely dread to answer is WHY. As A social worker I have heard things like: Crystal, WHY can't I live with my parents? I love them so much, Crystal, Why do I have to suffer with this mental illness or disability?, Crystal, Why would someone take all of my money. BUT THE QUESTION that comes up the most and the one I dread the most is "Crystal, can you tell me WHY would god allow this to happen?. I don't know why....but people ask this a question....but it happens.... a lot. I would be lying if I have not thought this a couple of times myself. As a social worker I answer this question as professionally as I can, but on a personal level it's got me thinking.

Many people feel that God leaves them in their darkest hour, and if there really is a god he wouldn't allow pain and suffering to happen. On my knees I have felt god's love....In my day to day experiences I have felt of gods love..............through my friends and family I have felt gods love. In feeling the love of god I can honestly say that if GOD could help it...he would save us from pain, sorrow, and suffering. The gift of agency that god blessed us with allows us to make decisions that may lead to suffering, or allows other's to do things to us which may cause our pain. I still find it completely amazing that people say " I can do what I want I'm not hurting anyone else." What I have found is our decisions do influence others whether we know it or not. In the midst of all of the suffering I have witnessed I have also witnessed MIRACLES. I can't tell you how many times god sends help in our time of need, but many times we are too wrapped up in the pain or sorrow we are suffering that we don't recognize his Love and miracles. There are angels that walk among us.....many times they are the people that call when we are having a bad day, the friend who picks us up after our heart gets broken, the family member who comforts us when we lose the one we love, or the social worker who shows up to provide help in the time of ultimate despair. GOD does exist! We are his children, and he loves us so much. As we open our hearts to gods love I know that we will witness miracles. To those who are suffering I bear testimony that God will send help, and if you don't think he has take a moment to look around and see what he has blessed you with. I love you all !!!!

YEA for summer!!

2009-08-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

This has been a crazy year!!! There have been so many changes in my life, and I have grown so very much. I started my first semester in graduate school this year. After eight weeks of hard work and no play it has finally paid off. My teacher just posted my grades on blackboard and I got an 97% in my stats class. My other teacher should enjoy reading my 117 pages of papers that she made me type. I don't feel sorry for her at all. Now for the next three weeks I will make up for lost time, and I am going to play....play .....play.

This summer I did not get to spend much time with my family, but the time that I did spend with them was wonderful. My family is the light of my life, and are the people that keep me going everyday. Whenever I am having a bad day I think of my nieces and nephews. I have Kristin, Gavin, and Mathew trained to tell me that I am their favorite. The thing that makes me laugh so hard is how Kristin always tells me "Crystal, You spoil me the most and I like it..... Your my favorite but don't tell my mom okay!!!" Gavin also cracks me up he is too smart for his own good, and always tells me that he loves me " Crystal, I love you all the way to outer space and back....Do you know that is a long way a way." When I went to Rexburg this summer Mathew and Gavin plastered my door with pictures and notes telling me how much they loved me. The notes now hang in my room. That was Mathew's idea. Then there is Quienton who has a heart of gold. I have never met a little boy who loves as much as he does. He always tells me, "Crystal, I missed you sooooo much." Then there are Caroline, Jonah, and Isabelle. Caroline has this quiet sense of humor, and has a loving personality. No matter what my mom says Caroline loves me more :D. Jonah is my little devil, and my favorite thing about him is his hugs and kisses. He is a true grandpa's boy, but every once in a while he just wants me. Then there is my Issy. I say mine cause literally she loves me so much. When I am around she does not want anyone else. My favorite thing this summer is when I went home for the first time after moving to Boise. I walked into her house and called her name. She looked up and saw me and started to jump up and down until she reached me. She jumped in my arms gave me 5 big hugs and kisses, and wouldn't let me put her down. Like I said I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have liked with my family this summer, but the time I did spend will last a whole lifetime.

I'm so excited for the future, and for gaining more education. I hope everyone is doing well. I love you all !!!

A tribute to the Dad's in my life

2009-06-25T23:48:00.001-07:00

A tribute to the dad’s in my life. First I would like to take a few moments to honor my dad. My Dad is my hero and I love him very much. He has always been there for me, and can do anything. Ever since I was little I have trusted my dad to help me through the good times and the bad ones too. He has inspired me to shoot for the star’s, to work hard, and to never give up. As I have grown I have even come to appreciate him more. His quite example of being honest, having a strong work ethic, serving others, and love has been an inspiration to me in my life. I am so grateful for the woman I have become for being raised by such an amazing man. I am so lucky everyday to have a dad like him. Second, I would like to take a few moments to let my brother know how proud I am of him. He has grown into such a wonderful father, and it’s a beautiful thing to see him interacting with his children with such compassion. Although, the road for him has been rocky he has been able to overcome obstacles in his life. His love and devotion has touched my life, and I hope one day to have the love and courage. I am so lucky to have a brother like him. Third, I would like to honor my brother in law. He is such a caring individual and love’s his children so much. I’m so grateful to know him. Lastly, I want to honor my grandpa’s for raising such wonderful children. I was unable to get to know my grandpa’s, but what I have heard about them has brought pride to my heart. There influence has effected many generations. I also want to give a shout out to my uncle’s who have also touched my life. Although this is late….Happy Father’s Day. I love you all!!

I have also attached Pictures of my recent visit. We celebrated my mother’s birthday, Isabelle’s, Caroline’s, and Jonah’s 2nd birthday, and Father’s day. Kristin, Mathew, Gavin, and I had our annual sleep over. It was fun. Kristin kept saying “whoever thinks this is the best sleep over ever raise their hand.” And all the kids would yell "ME." Isabelle and Jonah were so excited to see me that they fought over me. Isabelle got so mad at one point because I was holding Jonah and not her. That she threw herself on the ground and started throwing a fit. She didn’t stop until I picked her up. Then on Sunday before I left Quentin said, “Crystal, I love you sooo much.” I said I love you too…he said “I love you first.” I happy to know that I am still the favorite aunt. It was so good to be with my family.

Pictures

2009-06-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

Going Crazy or something like that !!!

2009-05-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

Seriously!!!

For the past 6 years I have worked a forty plus hour work week, volunteered with special Olympics and big brother/big sister, and done other activities to keep me busy. For the past two weeks I have only worked 15-20 hours and it's killing me. I decided to hold off in volunteering somewhere as school starts in two weeks. I know that I should enjoy my time relaxing, but it's driving me crazy not having anything to do. I guess I could make a quilt or do scrap booking to pass the time. All this free time is making me go crazy.....I know I'll eat my words in a couple weeks.....as for now....I'm so bored.

To the Mom’s in my life.

2009-05-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

So, I went home this weekend for Mother’s Day, and I have to say that I love moms. Especially mine. I have been thinking a lot lately about the Mom’s in my life and I just want to take a few moments to honor them. My mom always makes me laugh, and is the most amazing woman ever. If I could ever be like anyone in the world it would be her. My mom has always been there for me, and always knows what to say to make me feel better. She has taught me so much about life, and I am so grateful for having such an inspiring person as my mom. The next mom I want to honor is my grandma. I miss my grandma so much, and I have thought about her a lot lately. My grandma raised 10 beautiful daughters who all turned into wonderful moms, and 4 handsome sons. My grandma lost her husband when my mom was 16 and raised 8 by herself. If there was anyone I have gained strength from it is her. She had a way of opening hearts and stepping in….she was funny….loving….compassionate……….and was one of the most Christ-like people that I knew. I miss her every day, and only hope that one day I might gain her strength and compassion. The next mom I want to honor is my sister. My sister is such a great mom to her children, and has been the best sister a girl could ask for. She always has time to listen to my petty problems, and is stronger then she will ever know. She is beautiful and intelligent, and I hope she one day realizes the potential that she has. I love her and hope one day I can be half the woman she is. The last Mom I want to honor is my sister-in-law Tiff. She has such a big heart, and has helped my brother so much. Tiff is so smart and is such a wonderful mother and step mother. Tiff has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen, and she uses her love to influence people to be better. I know she will go far in life, and I hope one day to have half the heart that she does. Today I am so grateful for those women in my life who have made me better. I love you!!

Is it really worth it?

2009-04-25T15:14:00.000-07:00

Today I find myself a wreck. Love wasn’t suppose to hurt this much. I trusted my heart, and in the end it failed me. Over the past 10 months I have tried to put myself back together again. I find myself wrapped up in these memories I am trying to forget. People ask Why it is hard for me to trust, and it comes back to hurt and heartbreak. When I think of loving someone again………….I am surrounded by question and caution. Is love possible? Is it worth it? I’m just not sure. The last 10 months have been a roller coaster of anger………hurt………regret…………..and then common sense. I was the stupid girl who put myself in a relationship that was ultimately draining…………….and emotionally unstable. I’m sorry for everyone that I have hurt recently(especially an amazing bachelor that will remain nameless) . Right now I’m just debating whether or not love is worth fighting for. No, I’m not giving up on love…… ….. it’s just one of those days. Talk to ya all later.

Best Aunt Ever

2009-04-23T20:24:00.001-07:00

When I was little I always wanted to play in the dirt and the grown up’s around me always told me no. So the other day Gavin and I had a bright idea….to build a sandcastle ….so that’s what we did When Quention and Caroline came over they were told by mommy and daddy that they could not play. But wait until aunt crystal gets to babysit….I say, “play dirty all you want”. It was fun to play in the dirt, and the kids had a great time.

The wonder’s of life

2009-04-13T17:43:00.001-07:00

So, I am getting ready for my big move to Boise. My last day of work is on Thursday and I start my new job on Monday the 20th of April. My mom’s helping move over on Friday……we will probably drop my stuff off and then come back on the same day. My dear friend Heather is coming from California on Saturday and so I will officially move into my apartment on Sunday. I visited with my professor for my graduate program today, and the odds are that I am going to be really busy come this next fall. The summer shouldn’t be difficult because my classes are at night. It’s the fall that will kill me. I will be taking 15 credits and doing a 20 hour practicum and working of course if possible a 40 hour work week. I’ve calculated the totals and I will have to work, go to school, and do my practicum for 13-14 hours a day Monday through Friday and work Saturday too. I know that I am crazy, but that’s my life……crazy busy. I did it once before and I’m sure that I can do it again. You know what’s even crazier is I’m not freaked out…..I’m waiting for my second guessing myself……..and a panic attack of some sort that hasn’t happened yet. I start classes on the week of June 22. I think the thing I am going to miss most is my family. I have been staying with my parents for the past 6 months and it has been a great opportunity for me to get to know them better. I have also grown overly attached to my nieces and nephews. I don’t know what Izzy will do without her mommy. My niece Izzy calls me mom or mommy(my sister finds it ultimately annoying……and I do too……..I mean is “Crystal” really too hard to say????). I have been trying to get her to understand that I am her favorite aunt Crystal…….and she’ll say my name……..but when she wants me she still calls me mom. Then I follow up by not mom…..Crystal. My mom tells me it’s because she trusts me so much. It will be so sad not to see her as much as I do now…..I just hope she doesn’t feel that I abandoned her. I’m excited for my move though and a great educational opportunity. Oh and update on Jonah’s eye. For those of you I didn’t tell Jonah had an accident a couple of weeks ago at my brother-in-laws brothers house and needed an emergency surgery on his eye. The doctors thought that he would be totally blind or if he could see it would be minimal he got 35 stitches in his right eye. The doctors were also speculating on a second surgery. He met with the doctor today and there is good news he doesn’t need a second surgery and he can see out of his right eye. The doctor doesn’t know how much he can see, and he will need to be put under anesthesia to determine his vision in his right eye(only because he will scream and move when the doctor tries to look at his eye). His right eye also has a bit of deformity to the Iris, but above all he is doing great. He is such a fighter, and has adapted exceptionally well through this crisis. I want to thank you all personally for your prayers for him. Well, I will let you go and keep ya all informed on what happens next.

Decisions Decisions Decisions

2009-04-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

I just celebrated my 28 th birthday......and you would think that by the age of 28 you would be able to make decisions easily. Well........as you all well know I am never good at making decisions. I change my mind all the time......I over analyze things.............and unless I have a BIG SIGN.........I usually delay decisions until the last minute. Well I have finally decided on a school .......drum roll please.........I will be attending Boise State University starting this summer. That means yet again I will be moving to BOISE. I've received a lot of grief for my many moves over the years....but that is due to my indecisiveness and over analyzing. I feel complete peace for this decision and I look forward to this wonderful opportunity. I'm so excited to be rooming with my dear friend Mandy. I'm excited to visit with all my old friends and to make new ones to. The other bright side to this decision is I will be gaining even more opinions then I already have.......world watch out. I've received two job offers and have committed to both........I know...... don't judge me........it's just that I'm not sure what I want to do. So I have a decision that I need to make in the next few weeks. Sorry this is so short but I have to run. I hope all is well and I'll keep ya posted on what happens next.

Out with the Old in with the NEW!!!!

2009-03-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

So, I got sick of my old grandma car and traded it in for a 2007 Pontiac Torrent(SILVER). I only laugh because I really didn't need a new car....this was a total selfish buy.....but I figure I'm stimulating the economy....right? I will also be attending grad school in June.....and Seriously a poor college students cannot afford non grandma cars......Which is great.....because I got a really good deal which is my second excuse for my buy.

I mean come on with this black interior who wouldn't want it.... not to mention .....

The great trunk space

And these gadgets on the steering wheel that I haven't figured out how to use yet. I only accept positive comments on this post....because I'm really excited......and no matter what anyone says I'm not a shopaholic. Hope all is well and I'll chat with ya later.

Playin in the snow

2009-03-04T22:55:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was little one of our family traditions is sledding. My dad and I took Isabelle and Jonah sledding for the first time a couple of weeks ago. It was so fun sledding with these little guys and they looked so cute bundled up in their 10 layers of clothes. I think they looked like little marshmallows. Jonah did not have fun going down his first time, but when they rode with me they were fine. Isabelle did not like the cold snow and felt better just walking around ignoring us when we asked if she wanted to go down the hill. I think she actually ran from us a couple of times. Gavin was the perfect big brother showing his brother and sister how to sled like a pro. He is such a great kid, and his love of being a big brother radiates to his brother and sister. The next weekend we took them sledding again and Isabelle couldn’t get enough. I have posted a few pictures of our adventure, and I truly think that the kids look adorable. Jonah is a little chunk and now weighs a whopping 33 pounds and Isabelle now weighs 24. I love being a part of their lives and feel so blessed to be their favorite aunt. When I am around my nieces and nephews it reminds me how special life truly is. All I can say is I cherish every moment I am with them.

COULD THERE BE AN END TO THIS NIGHTMARE?

2009-02-20T09:13:00.000-08:00

These past couple of years have been a nightmare for me. I have been poked and prodded so much I feel like a lab rat. I was first diagnosis with Interstitial cystitis and I had to have a cystoscopic examination. With this examination the doctor used an instrument to see inside the bladder and urethra. When they did this test they found that I had a microscopic cysts in my bladder that I had to get removed. The cyst was biopsied and came back benign. The doctor put me on a series of medication that made me so sick and dropped my iron levels so he took me off. After about three months and more test later he determined that I didn’t have Interstitial cystitis. So it was back to the drawing board. After this procedure I began to have more problems along with severe discharge and more pain then I could ever imagine. They referred me to another doctor. After much more testing they determined that I had a bacteria infection, but to make things even more interesting it was an unidentifiable bacterium. That means that when they looked under the microscope an they couldn’t see any bacteria, but when it was tested for bacteria it came back positive. So, more medications for me and my body does not like medication. While at this doctor visit the doctor wanted to rule out some of symptoms I was experiencing. So, she put me in a study for Irritable bowel syndrome where again I was poked and prodded for 6 months. During this study I had to have a colonoscopy procedure done. Where they found a palup which was removed and biopsied and came back benign. The pain never went away, and only intensified during the study. Due to my pain the doctor had me go through the tests for my gallbladder function which meant an ultrasound and hyda scan needed to be done (did I mention I already had the ultrasound done prior and there was nothing wrong with my gallbladder). My doctor was bound and determined that the pain I was experiencing had to be my gallbladder and we were planning a surgery for January. After agreeing to the ultrasound and hyda scan they determined that there was nothing wrong with my gallbladder… go figure. Well, after all these procedures I was so frustrated and felt like giving up. A month ago I met with my doctor for a consultation, and told him that I would just live with the pain. He talked me in to doing two more tests a gluten test and a gastro test of my stool. Well, of course the gluten test came back negative. I have kept a diary of my food intake for the past month. The stool test has been done and the results have come in. For now I will continue to be treated for my IBS and my doctor says the pain I have been experiencing may come from my Lactose Intolerance. I have never linked milk products to my pain before, but the throwing up after eating some milk products explains a lot. I haven’t met with my doctor on what my next steps will be in treating my lactose intolerance, but finally I may have an answer..... but who know's I have kinda lost faith in the medical field. Test are still in the works for my bacteria infection, but I am definitely on my way to getting answers. Thanks to my family and friends for all your support through this whole process. I’ll keep ya posted on what happens next.

The Best Dad Ever!!!

2009-02-16T14:03:00.001-08:00

For as long as I can remember Valentine’s Day has been one of my favorite holidays. This is due in part mostly because of my Dad. My Dad has always been my Valentine, and has set the bar high for anyone I plan to marry. My Dad is the most kind hearted person that I know. Every year for Valentine’s Day he buys my sister and I chocolates and flowers. My dad has even gone as far as buying all the ladies that my mom works for flowers on this special day. He has been a strong advocate to his peers in expressing their love on this special day. My dad is amazing and I am so lucky to have been raised by a man who respects the ladies in his life. This gives me hope that there are amazing men out there somewhere. Hope you all had a very Happy Valentines Day.

Kristin's Baptism in Maryland

2009-02-10T15:50:00.000-08:00

I had an eventful weekend spending time in Maryland. It was a neat experience seeing all the sights like the Washington Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, The White House, and the DC temple. The funniest moment of this weekend is when my brother James tried to drive into the white house parking lot. It was obviously surrounded by guards. Tiff and I were like James what are you doing. His response was the GPS told me to turn here. We all had a good laugh. The DC temple is what I expected so very beautiful. My most memorable moment of this weekend was watching Kristin enter into the water of baptism. She looked remarkable beautiful dressed in white. Kristin has such a beautiful spirit about her, and I absolutely adore her. We got to spend a little bit of time with her, and I forgot how much she likes to tease. We brought her some gifts for her birthday and I put some chocolate with the gifts that I gave her. When she opened my presents and saw the chocolate she said I want to eat that right now and it took her less then 30 seconds to eat the chocolate ( I’m sure she gets that from me). She makes me laugh so much and is growing into a beautiful person. I can’t believe how fast she is growing, and I am so proud of the decisions she is making. I hope we all can learn to appreciate the beauty that surrounds us. It’s good to be back home and I hope ya all have a great week. Love ya

I don't believe in superstitions

2009-02-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

I’ve heard the phrase that bad things happen in three’s, but I have never really liked that rule. I don't believe in superstitions and I do walk under ladders....I have broken mirrors.......I do not X when a black cat crosses the road........and I do not throw salt over my sholder. After my car accident last Tuesday…………..I slid off the road out in the middle of no where on Thursday. I am so thankful for my dad who came and found me with the absolutely horrific directions I gave him and pulled me out. What’s worse is I had one of my co-workers with me. We were both laughing over my wonderful luck over the week….again I wanted to cry…..but I didn’t. In the midst of me waiting 50 minutes for my dad to show up she looked at me and said “ I guess only one more thing has to happen.” I asked Why do you say that? She said , “Well, bad things happen in three’s.” Me being somewhat annoyed with my week said……….I guess I’ll have to break that rule……….because I don’t want anything else to happen. I’m not a superstitious person, but apparently many people are because about 4 other people told me the same thing. I’m happy to say that it’s almost a week later and nothing else has happened( I won’t knock on wood because I don’t believe in that either). What I do believe in is positive thinking. I truly believe that if I try the best that I can and have a good attitude that things will work out. It may not be in my timing, but I have faith that they will work out. I also think that when you believe bad things are going to happen they will……….so for those of you that say “bad things happen in three’s”………that’s why they do so change your thinking. This past week has got me thinking about how much I love my life….and how blessed that I am. I may not have found the love of my life or have all the money in the world, but I am still very blessed. I’m so excited about my future and the wonderful things that I am and will be a part of. Tomorrow I get on a plane and fly to Maryland to see my niece get baptized, and I’m so excited for her. I love Kristin so much, and I love the joy she has brought into our lives. She truly is a remarkable child, and I’m so excited to see the person she will grow to become. When I get back I will post some pictures of my trip. My only anxiety is getting on the plane(not because of the luck I have had)……….I hate to fly. Hope you all have a great week.

A stroke of bad luck

2009-01-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

I am not a lucky person!!!! I'm the kind of person that if something has to go wrong it will most likely happen to me. Don't get me wrong I am definitely a very blessed person just not lucky. Today all except two of my co-workers called in or are on vacation. So, what that means is I get to pull triple duty. I knew when I arrived at work at 6:30 this morning I had a long day in store. I also had a doctor's appointment today at 11:45 that I didn't have time to go to, but I did. I went to the doctor's office and had to wait an hour because someone double booked that appointment time. The doctor gave me absolute great news........that he needed to run more tests (I really feel like a lab rat). After waiting an hour and having the doctor poke and prod at me.... he sent me to get my blood drawn which took another 30 minutes. No lunch and an hour and forty five minutes later I was back at work. My boss came to me an hour later and asked if I was busy I looked at my desk piled with files and paper work and jokingly said "No not at all". He said great cause you have just been pulled for a random drug test..........In my head I'm thinking okay I needed a break anyway.....That should take about 1/2 hour....right???? WRONG! I got in a car accident. I'm not a bad driver it's just that I didn't see the stop sign until it was a little too late. I hit this person's car and landed right on top of the snow bank. But why stop at just hitting one car......the car I hit also hit a parked car.......that's right that means I'm responsible for both. I called dispatch who informed me that there were 4 wrecks in the Idaho Falls area so it might take sometime for an officer to respond. 45 minutes later an officer arrived. Take in mind it was 20 below today and I'm standing outside making phone calls. I called my mom and she said sounds like you haven't had a very good day....I laughed...wanted to cry and said”that’s why I have insurance." On the bright side of things the officer didn't give me the $76.00 ticket, but warned me instead and told me he hopes I have a better week. Although it's been a stroke of bad luck for me today I am so very blessed. I'm blessed that I have insurance(both car and medical).........I'm blessed that I have a job(even though I'm over worked)...........I'm blessed with supportive friends..........and I'm so blessed for my family. My sister asked me to come over tonight and I did. My nieces and nephews are so amazing and I love them sooooo much...............it was good to be with them. After I visited them I came home and Queinton came over to visit but he was sleeping. It's so amazing how no matter how bad your week is children can make your day so much better. Next week I go to Maryland with James and Tiff to see my niece Kristin get baptized...I can't wait to see her. So despite the trials I face in this life I realize that I’m better off being blessed then I am being lucky. Hope you all have a great week. Love ya

Boise Fun!!!!

2009-01-19T16:44:00.001-08:00

This weekend I got to spend time with some of my friends from Boise(the picture to the left is my good friends Mandy and Sharlee... I haven't seen Sharlee in forever and it was so nice to catch up.....I hope things continue to go well for you and your new guy). It was so fun to see some of my good friends and get caught up. Whenever I got to Boise I don't get to see everyone that I would like, but it is always so much fun. Annabeth.... I hope that you got the gift I left you on your doorstep...Sorry I missed you I was so sad. Happy Late Birthday. Maria sorry about McKall, but she is so gorgeous and so are you. I heard back from University of Utah for the advance standing program. They are very competitive and only accept I think 20-25 people. I am currently on the alternate list if anyone decides not to go. I should be hearing back from University of Las Vegas and Boise State soon. I'm also applying to NNU and Walla Walla, but their deadlines are not until March. So, I will have them in a week before the deadline. Things at work are going well and they just published a story in the Post Register this week about Elder Abuse. I'm so glad that the community is recognizing this horrific crime that occurs everyday in our communities and throughout the nation. Other then working and playin there is not much going on in this girl's life.....I'll continue to keep ya all posted on school. Anyway, I love you all and hope everything is going well for everyone. I'll talk to you later.

Make Over's

2009-01-05T12:48:00.001-08:00

For Christmas we draw names in our family, and this year I got the opportunity to shop for my mom. I don't know about the rest of you, but I always find it hard in picking gifts for my parents. They always seem to have everything. For those of you who know my mom...you know she never does anything for herself. So this year I decided to give her a mini makeover. I bought her several outfits, and then bought her a gift certificate to get her hair done. I thought since my mom was getting her hair done I would do mine to. We decided to try out a virtual hairstyle website to determine the best hair cut. We downloaded our pictures on http://www.virtual-hairstyle.net/ and decided on a haircut. For those of you who know me....know I rarely...by rarely I mean never cut my hair short. BUT I decided to give it a try. I mean what did I have to lose. So you will all have to let me know what you think of my new haircut. This process was so much fun. We not only got hair cuts, but we also decided to do facial waxing using over the counter products. We both quickly learned that it was a bad idea........Note to Self....WAXING REALLY HURTS. My mom ended up chickening out on the facial wax, and got some wax stuck to her face. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. My mom is so funny. When she was getting her hair done she was getting so mad at me because I was laughing so hard and taking pictures of her. I couldn't help myself. She has let me know that she will get me back. I have posted pictures, but don't tell my mom or she will kill me.

MY New Hair Cut

2009-01-05T12:42:00.003-08:00

My new haircut. My hair hasn't been this short since high school.

MoM's Make Over

2009-01-05T12:30:00.000-08:00

Mom before, During, and after her make over. Throughout her hair cut she kept looking at me and mouthing the words.... she's still cutting.... I was laughing so hard.

Pictures of Kristin and Mathew who weren't able to be here for Green Bay Packer Picture

2009-01-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

2009-01-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

These are my beautiful nieces and nephew's. No I am not a packer fan, but I think they all look so cute in their packer uniforms. Of course Jonah is trying to escape.

New Year....New Changes

2009-01-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

2009!!!!
Several of my friends have blogs, and I have decide to start one of my own. 2008 has been a year of trials, and I look forward to 2009. I'm so excited to see what my future beholds. I am so lucky to have the family that I do. They are amazing. Mathew who turned 9 in September was able to spend some of the Christmas break with us, and it was so good to see him. I love my nieces and nephews, and they have brought such peace and happiness to my life. My niece Kristin was not able to spend Christmas with us this year. I can't believe that she will be 8 in February. She is growing up so fast. Gavin is 6 and is so smart.....I think he takes after me. Quentin turned 3 in December, and he has so much love and energy. Caroline is 19 months old and is very quite with the cutest personality. Then there are the twins who are 18 months old Jonah and Isabelle. Jonah has turned into a holy terror and Isabelle is a little princess. This past year I have learned the importance of relying on my savior and my family. I am so grateful for my family and the love they have given to me. I am currently in the process of apply for grad school, and should be finding out soon which school's have accepted me. This year I start my year out fresh with no complicated relationships that have taken up too much of my life, and in March I will help coach basketball for the special Olympics again. I look forward to this new start, and being able to focus on bettering myself. Thanks to everyone who has been here for me this past year. I love you all.......and I'll keep ya posted on the NEW details of my amazing life.